http://www.hns.org/Portals/1/Stages%20of%20Grief.pdf

This isn't the typical one we learned in school.

From this PDF, I basically get this out of it...

Stages in order:

Shock
Emotional Release
Obsession
Physical/emotional distress
Anger
Guilt
Depression
Withdrawal
Acceptance

And mine are just a LITTLE out of order...

Shock
Physical distress/Emotional release (The throwing up combined with crying)
Obsession
Withdrawal
Anger
...And that's where I'm stopped
somewhere between withdrawal and anger.

I really hate the dude right now. Super hard. But I also miss him a whole bunch.

I am SO angry.
Angry that he strung me around.
Angry that he pretended to love me. He faked SO MUCH. He was so good at faking it that I never even noticed him stop loving me.

MAYBE HE NEVER DID, WHO KNOWS?

Anger. Angry he's still not trying to stay friends. Angry he ignores my texts and angry that he doesn't answer my questions even if I'm super nice. Angry that this whole shitty thing had to go down.

ANGRY THAT EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT.

Did he tell me he wanted to stay best friends and hang out and stuff JUST to fool me AGAIN?

SHELBY RAGE!

On the other hand, I do wanna tell you guys about my buddy Chris. Maybe not now, but later. He's one of the very good things keeping my head level right now.

Kid's in love with me! What a weird ass :P Has been for this whole thing with the boyfriend. And he's always been there for me, through every fight, helping it stay together. I think that takes balls to help out the girl you love to stay with the person she's dating. Like, he could have just as easily told me to dump him.

But he never did.
And the nights when I was all scared by my ghost?
He'd stay up late with me making sure I was okay and not scared. And his timezone is an hour ahead of mine.

We always stay up late talking and doing nerdy stuff :)

So yeah- When I come home from school, and I fell all angry and hopeless like this and like I wanna punch something in the face, I come into the (theoretical) arms of someone who does love me.

And that's something I really am thankful for.