Good news: T-rex hugged me tons today, told me she was here for me, and then said "I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED...A SLEEPOVER. WITH ME. THIS WEEKEND. IT'S ON.
OH WAIT I HAVE TO GO TO MY GRANDMA'S HOUSE OKAY NEXT WEEKEND THEN".

;D

And my god her boobs envelop my face when she hugs me! Awesome.

found a few more people I can talk to and they're pretty cool. They relieve my stress.

I actually wasn't that upset today- I'll get to that later though.

So T-rex kept waving and me and hugging me allll day and she was like "YOU KNOW I'M HERE FOR YOU. I'M ALL YOU NEED. SURE KT IS TOO BUT YOU KNOW I'M MORE HERE FOR YOU CAUSE I'M AWESOME"

and like holy shit I'm gonna get sex
XPPPP

Okay weird news: Got to school today, and anytime I wasn't around Blueboy I felt fine.
I mean, no- Not completely fine. I still feel like I was gutted or something. Nooo not that bad, this morning or yesterday maybe... like a knife was jabbed into my belly and it doesn't hurt until I start thinking about it.

So I was really happy most of the day! The few times I saw him, I was with my friends and laughing and smiling. I remember how mad he got last time when I made a big scene around everyone.

But bad news: When he showed up to school, he took one look at me laughing and walked to the dude friends.
And he had his arms crossed like, all day. He seemed so upset!
And I don't get that. He didn't talk to me at all, he AVOIDED me.

Is that because he's mad? I don't get it? I thought we were supposed to be "best friends". And now he's acting like I dumped HIM XP

Anyways, it just made me think... about like all the things he said yesterday.
Some of them clashed a whole lot. And he definitely looked more impacted by this than I was. I was just happy we'd still be friends, but HE seems really depressed about the whole thing.

But that's the only observations I could make on my own.

It's just confusing- His story for breaking up with me kept changing when he did it yesterday. And HE was the one almost in tears. And now he's all upset even more?

I mean, who's the one who's supposed to be upset here? Me! And yet he's acting like it's such a big deal to him.

I mean, maybe that's Hopeful Shelby's thoughts, but I've asked my friends and they think it's weird how he's acting, too. I mean, it seemed like the more okay with the breakup I tried to be, the worse he got. I don't want him to think I'm okay with breaking up, but I'm okay with being friends :/

I don't know. I feel like I should say something but I don't know if he'll just go into denial- Like he's so good at doing- and lash out at me. The other reasons for breaking up were legit things that I think I could fix. Something that keeps bothering me is when he said like
"yeah I probably WILL want you back in a while. But will anything have changed?"
Yes?

I just...I don't know. It doesn't HAVE to end here if he doesn't want it to. After all, the breakup was about HIM. But then he texted me and was like "So did WE breakup or did I break up with you? Since you said you already wanted to break up and all..."
and I mean
wow
if he's really that upset about it, I feel like he's trying to reassure his decision on "it can't work out"
But it could, if he wants us to try.

I mean I asked him what the real reason we broke up was- Because he didn't love me anymore?
and he said like,
I DO love you, Shelby! and then changed the subject and said "it was a mix of things"

I mean it's hard to believe him if he can't even say "Yes, I'm not in love with you".

I don't know- I'm okay with either way. But if I had the choice, I don't WANT it to end. I want to make everything better and have him be happy again.
Is that stupid?

I mean... I'll give some examples.

He said when we broke up that he wanted us to have a less physical relationship (I'm okay with this),
but then he said he wanted it to be like band camp friendship.
Do you know what that was?
Him flirting with me.
So what does he want?

I mean... I feel like he's trying to cover up our problems by just dumping the breakup on it. I'm probably wrong.

I... Don't know. It ended so sharply. Like things were totally okay and then SNAP, he just broke it off. And I feel like it was too hasty.

I want to ask him if he'd like to hang out as friends- But still allow him to do whatever he feels like. Say, if he feels like he wants to kiss me and cuddle or whatever again, then he's free to, and make his mind up. But I don't know if that's stupid.

We had so much fun just two weekends ago. The day he broke up with me, he hugged me like he didn't want to let go, kissed like he didn't want it to end. He grabbed my ass! C'mon!

I feel like he made a hasty decision on some bad thoughts that creeped into his mind. I don't know if there's some outside causes, but he's acting much more upset by the whole thing and I just wish there was something I could do.

:/