By the way, I cut out the majority of what I first wrote in the journal entry draft because its stuff that people don't need to hear and is better discussed with no one.
So what's been going on in the life of Eli, you may ask? Well, here's my answer...
If you're a common person, aka neighbor/relative/random acquaintence/people I've met but will never see again: I'm quite well, thanks, and yourself?
If you're my previous therapist or a confidant (which I don't really have any right now), then this is what I would explain:
I feel so alone right now because although I find people who are different and live outside "normal" society's standards very very attractive, for myself, its a lot harder. I don't like the fact that I wake up everyday and when I stare at myself in the mirror, I don't know who I am. I'm not good at "being a girl." I'm not good as a guy. I don't fit in to either. And as much as I feel like having no gender is okay, I know that, at least for the next several years, I need to keep being a girl. Whatever the hell that means.
I haven't heard from BusGirl in days. I just want to fucking see her again. Talk to her.