Let's have a discussion!
Well, I've been thinking about something that my therapist brought up briefly during our last session. She knows a woman who is a lesbian, but this woman CHOSE to be a lesbian. Now, let's discuss this. Many of my fellow Oasians insist that no, being gay is not a choice, that you are born gay and that's a part of your being that cannot be changed. But this woman that my therapist was referring to was molested as a child by a male, and raped as a teenager. After such traumatic experiences with men, this woman decided to never trust men and therefore "chose" to be a lesbian. Is this possible, friends? Can one completely transform their lifestyle, the core of their being, everything, and become gay? Do certain experiences with the opposite sex determine how one views their own sexuality?
Anywho, I'm a little sad, because my awesome therapist is going on a maternity leave in 10 weeks. I'm very happy for her, bringing a child into the world, but of course I'm really gonna miss seeing her. She gave me the option of either waiting a couple months and seeing her again once she comes back or to stop coming altogether once she leaves. 10 weeks is a long time, so I don't know how much progress I'll make by then...Still, the thought of not seeing her again is just so weird to think about. It'd be like...graduating from high school or something. Like, "Hey, you've graduated from therapy! You're on your own now!"
I don't like that school is almost over. Summers are mercilessly long and dull, but hopefully this summer will be different. I've made a list of goals I hope to accomplish this summer, things to occupy my time in a healthy, productive way. Last summer all I did was sit around in my pajamas, watching TV and gorging myself with junk food, hiding out in the basement and not once going outside or hanging out with friends. How awful. This summer will be just the opposite.
Also, my sophomore year kinda sucked, to be honest. So much bullshit happened, so many bad experiences...but hey, that means that my junior year is gonna kick some ass! >:D
Has anybody ever listened to/heard of the Gorillaz? I recently discovered them and now I can't stop listening to them. Normally I don't even bother will that kind of music, but they're just so gosh darn different from anything I've ever heard before. You should definitely give them a listen.
If you are not getting confirmation e-mails from Oasis to complete your membership, don't hesitate to e-mail jeff at oasismag dot com. Be sure to include your username.
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Comments
Nah...
She probably was bi, never dealt with it cuz she liked men enough, and then just focused on that side of the house after things.
You never hear of widespread stories of rape victims becoming lesbians.
---
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain
Well...
She didn't choose to be a lesbian. She was sort of made into one.
I don't know. Jeff's right, she was probably born with both male and female tendencies and then lost interest in men because of the traumatic stuff. I think being LGBTQ is partially the experiences you have in life, too. If you're beaten and molested and raped by just men all your life, you're going to find comfort in women- which could cause you to like women in return.
But I'm not sure. She didn't think one day "Oh I hate men, let's turn off my sex drive for them and just go all out on women"- That can't be DECIDED. But the things that happened to her COULD change that. I suppose she decided to not try and fix things- But that's not really being a lesbian, that's just not being with men. I think it's a different story, choosing whom you DATE compared to choosing whom you become attracted to.
After all, dating one woman in your life doesn't make you Bi, unless you really had bisexual feelings for her... It just means you dated a woman.
If that makes sense?...
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Amazingly offensive <3
Er... I think a PART of her
Er...
I think a PART of her still likes men and penis, but her experiences with them are clouding her judgement. I mean, this is the first story I've heard of this experience.
I think
I agree with basically everyone else, I mean, if I tried, I couldn't be straight. Even if I didn't want to be with guys, which I of course do, a lot, I wouldn't be able to make the same kind of romantic bonds with girls.
Although of course I think anyone not attracted to guys is extremely weird :P
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xt5ghXdq6Z0&safe_search=on
You calling me weird, punk?
;)
Why
Why yes I am. And what are ya gonna do about it, huh? :P
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xt5ghXdq6Z0&safe_search=on
I agree
Vagina is disgusting, and tits are just blobs of fat. :D Kidding, you rock.
My only remark to both of your comments:
Penises are disgusting. :P
They're both kinda disgusting XP
And I'm bi!
Really, genitals are pretty gross unless they're attatched to the person you love XP
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Amazingly offensive <3
Teehee
Awww that's so romantic!
More likely...
It was rationalizing, and not a conscious decision.
It's human nature to want to know why. Why me?
My question: What satisfaction has been gained by labeling her orientation to be a choice?
I suspect a conflicted individual... one actually in need of a professionally-certified therapist... not a therapist who unquestioningly accepts the patient's "choice" explanation!
Well...
This woman is a very good friend of my therapist, and my therapist says that this woman will tell people: "I chose to be gay." She took several traumatic sexual encounters with men and basically said, "Okay, I have CHOSEN not to trust men anymore, and because of what they've done to me I will no longer have any physical/emotional attraction to them whatsoever."
And she doesn't. She's almost terrified of men. I kinda do see it as a choice, because many women have been victims of rape/molestation, but they don't say, "Oh, well I'll just be gay now." But then again, maybe this woman is using her "homosexuality" as a coping mechanism. I don't know.
And this is not the first story I have heard of a woman "choosing" (and I use that term loosely) to be attracted to other women solely because of something traumatizing in her life.
I guess my point is that maybe not EVERY gay person has to necessarily be born that way. MAYBE, just maybe, one can be born heterosexual, and then, because of a variety of factors, become homosexual. It is something that I find interesting to think about.
At least 50% of this sounds reasonable :)
After her experiences of abuse from males, I can easily understand that any sexual interest in men could be quite negatively impacted.
So... I can readily envisage that to satiate her need for human companionship she has turned towards her own sex. And... she may also have been traumatized to such an extent that she was left with little or no desire for heterosexual relations.
Left with no interest (emotional or otherwise) in a heterosexual relationship... does this automatically say that she has become lesbian?
I find that difficult to accept... although, I admit that the possibility may exist.
I acknowledge that it would be quite presumptuous of me to say that I "know" what the defining characteristics might be for being lesbian... but I would "think" that they must extend well beyond the mere desire for female companionship.
I feel that being gay implies an innate propensity to share affections (including sexual) with one's own sex... I think this leaves us with a fuzzy distinction between the emotions associated with sexual desire/affection and those involved with the need for human companionship.
Maybe they're indistinguishable... I just dunno :(
But... for now, I hold on to my belief that being gay does not involve a conscious choice!
Hmm...
Human relationships and how we interact with one another are so complicated. Maybe too complicated for our own good.
Yes, I can agree that "choice" is probably the wrong term. The thing that gets me is that this particular woman INSISTS that, in her case, it IS a choice. And who knows her better than she knows herself? Can one really approach her and say, "No, you're wrong, you didn't choose this"?
it's pretty biologically
it's pretty biologically sound to say that sexuality, especially in females, is fluid. therefore, if she had a bit of a homosexual leaning, it might've been added to by the trauma and her choice.
i don't believe the argument of nature vs. nature is valid- this is an issue of the combination of both nature AND nurture.
So...
Basically, in your opinion, it is impossible that a woman can be born heterosexual and then be influenced by a variety of factors to "become" gay? In order for this whole situation to be possible, this woman was born with homosexual tendencies and this homosexuality was revealed/confirmed only after all of these traumatic events with the opposite sex?
in my opinion nobody is born
in my opinion nobody is born entirely anything and nobody stays entirely anything forever.
Ah...
This statement is making me think hard.