Home

Knots in my Noose

Warren3125's picture
23 May, 2011 - 6:47am — Warren3125

I'm pathetic. A waste of space, sperm, and egg. Nobody wants me, and nobody would ever truly want to love me. Everything's fallen apart, my mind in a constant hurricane of emotion. Like a house on fire, all the dreams, memories, and happiness just being swept away before your very eyes. It's sheer pain, watching everything and everyone you loved turn their back on you, and walk off. Leaving you for someone better, someone happier and more beautiful. I don't think anyone can see the beauty inside of me but myself. I've built so many walls that I just come of as nasty, and cruel. And it's not because I want to be this way. I've been hurt too many times to truly trust anyone, and when I do finally open up, they always walk away. And everyday just seems like another knot in the noose, becoming tighter and tighter until one day it's too much for me to bear. I feel like I'm drowning in my own self loathing, and my self sabotage. And I don't think I can be pulled out of this ocean of hate, I feel like these may be my final hours.

Tags:

Comments

23 May, 2011 - 7:04am — swimmerguy
swimmerguy's picture

This sounds

alarmingly like Tophat. You probably wouldn't know anything about him, but he was on this site maybe a year and a half ago and I knew him pretty damn well in that time.
So try not to make his mistakes.

He was too caught up in thinking that no one could ever love him that when people did,he would shove them away and insist they didn't. His self-hate was so great that he was unwilling to help himself when he knew he needed to, he prefered to wallow and ferment and complain.
The more depressed he got, the less he did to fix it.

So, there are a few things I've learned. One is don't hate yourself, it's totally useless. I don't hate myself, but that's because I understand myself pretty well, I know that there are reasons for all the mistakes I've made, and that I'm not really a bad person on the inside, that I just make mistakes like we all do.
Whatever things you've done, I can't say I know you really at all, but I have seen some of the things you've written and I haven't seen anything abhorable. I don't think you're a bad person, I think you have reasons for everything you do and there's nothing hateable about you.

Also, if you're really feeling this way, get help from someone. Because I can say I know that there is someone who cares about you, someone that will want to help you, no matter how much you may think there is no such person, and go, talk to someone, and tell them everything, and someone will try to help you.

Well, good luck

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xt5ghXdq6Z0&safe_search=on

23 May, 2011 - 11:07am — elph
elph's picture

Reminiscent... Agreed!

But Warren3125 has expressed his private, inner feelings with an eloquent heartfelt sincerity that TH could never allow... Truly sad.

I feel your words will give Warren the wherewithal and encouragement to extricate, and then crush, his inner demons. Starting today!

And... Warren: My "ditto" to all that swimmerguy has written. Believe me, he's wise well beyond his age!

23 May, 2011 - 7:25am — Dracofangxxx
Dracofangxxx's picture

You're only a waste of sperm and egg...

If you let yourself be that!

First of all, I just wanna say, the self-loathing thing you've got going? Probably DOES scare people away. Uh, especially if you happen to do it alot?

I mean, that's just from personal experience. Your first step to getting more people on your side, is as Swimmerdude said, to NOT HATE YOURSELF. It gets you absolutely nowhere but backwards in the grand scheme of things.
-
That's redick!

23 May, 2011 - 8:46am — 625539
625539's picture

We're on your side.

We're on your side.

23 May, 2011 - 3:32pm — Yamamoto
Yamamoto's picture

Yeah dude your a Ninjew

Yeah dude your a Ninjew remember... no Ninjew is a waste of sprem :D... We need you guys out of the streets at night with your Star of David throwing stars keeping our country safe... *Huggles his Ninjew buddy* :D