I though maybe one last time.... maybe just one last go at it before I stop.... It won't do anything bad, it'll be harmless fun..... I nearly killed myself. I broke out in hives, red all over, itching all over my body, heart racing.... fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. I could have easily taken the second bottle I had just in the heat of the moment and really overdosed.... Goddamn... Just the thought of the word Delsym or Overdose makes me get nauseous. Not only did I completely screw up the fact that I promised myself that I would clean up two days into it, I almost fucking killed myself. And if it weren't for the split second when I realized that the tragic breakdown I had never would have happened. If it weren't for Laura, Anuska, Briana, and Ruthie I probably would have committed suicide. I would have been screwed if I was by myself, I would have probably go slit my throat in the alley by the parking garage. I swear I'm off that shit for good, and this time I really fucking mean it. No relapses. I don't want to end up a corpse in the gutter, lying dead in the street. My livers already fucked as it is, hell I even have brain damage. This is not going to help me anymore, it's only going to cause my own decline. Escapism is dead. Everything they said about drugs was true, they're horrible, horrible things. No one gets out of those unscathed. My use is over. I don't want to end my life before it even starts.