I have an amazing girlfriend and I don't know how to appreciate her at all. I try so hard to change and show her I do care but I let myself get carried away with jealousy at the smallest things. She would do just about anything to make me happy and make my life easier, and she has. All I do is snap at the smallest sign that someone else might make her smile. I'm ridiculously possessive and I don't know why. I've never been this way with anyone but she brings something out in me. I don't want to share her, even if it's just someone she's friends with. I think it's because we hit it off really well as friends so every time i see her make a friend I think they will take my place. I don't know if it makes any sense outside my head.
I practically broke up with her today because of this. She made plans with other people and didn't include me, she's never done that. It hurt, and when I'm hurt I hurt back. I know she loves me but when I'm angry I make myself believe I don't. I know I'm ruining things and pushing her away. I know she's going to eventually get tired of it. Yet I still lash out at her and act like she doesn't deserve me when in reality I don't deserve her. I think I really fucked it up this time though, I need and want to fix it so bad but I don't know how.