Sometimes I feel that once one has taken on the role of the leader, of the advocate, the organizer, the vice-president of a fucking non-profit, ffs, one is no longer allowed to have identity-related crises. I am meant to have my own shit together so that I can help those who do not. I am 21. I am too old for the gender-related frustration to come back, I thought I'd gotten over that in high school. but I think things like fucking academia and fucking bandom have brought it all back to the front. Gender is a social construct and just because i like wearing dresses or I like wearing jeans and guys' hoodies does not mean I feel the need to identify with these sets of binary expectations and scripts that our society has set up. Sometimes i feel more like a guy. Sometimes i feel like a girl. This is always a pretty superficial thing, it does not change how I act or talk or identify, and I realize the inherent hipocracy in that last sentence, believe me. I'm just not entirely sure how to put it in to words. But I am sick of my roommate being shocked when I wear lipstick, or my family (excluding my mother) making a joke out of it if they happen to realize that something I'm wearing was made for a male body according to the design and marketing organizations that put it out.
I am really just sick of the gender binary, and apparently the internet is the only place I can bitch about it. Did I mention how I am too old for this shit?
Ok, disappearing again.