(NOTE: This is kind of an angry rant. To be honest, I have no idea where this even came from. I was actually planning an entry about youtube videos. Oh well.)
Know what I hate? When people say, "Be yourself. Don't care about what others think. You are unique and special."
I'm so effing tired of people telling me I shouldn't care what people think about me. Because, whether I like it or not, I do care what people think about me, even people I don't know. Hell, especially people I don't know.
And I've been trying not to care for the last 10 damn years, and it ain't working. There's no point in telling yourself you don't care when it isn't true.
It really irks me that I spent all this time trying to embrace my own uniqueness. Not only that, I was sure that I had to somehow reflect this uniqueness in everyday life, while trying my hardest not to care about what others think. Stupidly, I let this stress me out.
Know what's even better than throwing societal norms to the wind and embracing your true self? Not having to think about that bullsh*t 24/7.
Ironically, through all this, I actually am taking the advice I so despise; I'm "embracing my true self". I am just another teenager who will say and do stuff I don't want to just to be accepted by my peers. If people want to judge me for that, call me a sheep or a lemming or whatever animal-related insult they can think of next, that's fine. Because I am unique in many ways, only I don't give a damn if everyone knows it.
And finally, there's this nugget that I hear in books, television, and lit classes alike.
"You just won't be happy if you're trying to be something you're not".
All of the time, I try to make myself "mainstream" and "normal", two things I am not. But I'm not actually trying to be "normal". Because who actually is normal, anyway? I am still a weirdo, and I will always be a weirdo.
I'm just a weirdo who pretends he is normal so that he can make friends, and maybe one day go on a date. Please, tell me what is so wrong with that.
Aaaaand, with that, the angry rant is over. Maybe I should take it down. But, hell, it's my journal, and I'll post whatever the hell I want.
Next time I must remember to blog about:
-Brian (Biryan?) Safi
-Talking to yourself