So Mom did research and turns out that in the past, the group that's organizing tonight's ball has had people arrested and people tasered.
So I dont know if I can go.
My parents aren't really accepting, like, at all. There's so much guilt by me and shame in our family.
Outside of my parents, siblings, and siblings' significant other, nobody in my family (relatives) know about my mental health problems. I'm not allowed to tell them. When I go to their houses, I hide my medication in my suitcase and take it while they're in the shower, It makes me feel like a dirty person doing something wrong.
My parents dont tell anyone about me coming out as a lesbian. They get all judgmental when I want to go to a lgbt event here, even if I know someone going (like they wouldnt let me go to a school-sponsered, hence sober environment, last week for the drag show). I'm not allowed to tell the relatives, nor do they know of the following: my depression, my anxiety, my OCD, etc.
They ask if I like the new college I'm at and I'm expected to smile and nod. I say I love it so much, so many great people/great classes. Its all a fucking lie. I don't *hate* it here, but I'm not glad to be here.
I didn't switch because "roommate problems", okay?! I switched because I had to be taken to the ER to get a psych evaluation.
This is why I could never come out to them about my gender.
This is why right now I feel so annoyed and so dependent. I'm an adult. I hate making decisions and my Mom always makes me feel badly about it--compares me to others who are younger and can do more than me. Yet, now, when I've made the decision to go, she doesn't like it.
I don't avoid emptying the dishwasher because I forget. Sometimes I feel so shitty that I can't. I've been dissociating like crazy, depression's been ridiculously awful. I wish she'd understand that.