Pfft.
I still have a really difficult time grasping the concept that there are people younger than me who are sexually active... Which I mean, I'm 18. You'd think I'd be used to this idea by now. :P
I don't have a problem with it. I mean, sex isn't inherently a good or bad thing, it depends on the people involved and the situation and blahdy bladhy blah... But it's just really weird for me, because personally, I'm not ready for sex. I don't know what it's like to really want to have sex with someone (have I wanted sex to some degree? Probably. But not like urges so much as "if I could get past my hangups it'd be nice".) and I've never been in a relationship with someone I was comfortable with enough to be okay with even trying anything in that direction.
I mean, I've only been in one relationship really. And we did do stuff in that direction, a bit, and it was terrible and awful because she thought of me as a girl but I'm a boy and there was all sorts of dissonance and dysphoria and shit going on and just. Ugh. :/
And I'm 18 and going to college in the fall and that's the closest I've gotten to a real relationship and the other party was smitten with a fake person that wasn't actually me. Joy. It just barely counts.
And I think that if I was in a real relationship with someone I actually trusted and we were actually in love with each other, I'd get the whole sex thing. But it'll be forever before that happens if only because it takes me that long to get that close to someone. I guess I should be patient but is it even worth the trouble if we're going to just end up breaking each other's hearts someday?
Pfft. Sorry that everything I post about ends up with me venting. I'm just a whiny pathetic person I know. It's a wonder my friends haven't all started ignoring me with all of the complaining and whining and venting I do.
It's probably also why nobody is attracted to me. Whining isn't attractive.
And I keep saying to myself "I'll stop being so pathetic when this problem goes away" but then new problems crop up and it turns out that I still don't know how to deal with anything at all ever.
Hell, I create half of my problems and I'm just so scared of everyone and everything that even when I do have a chance with someone I'll destroy it because I'd rather deal with this unrequited feelings shit than be in an actual relationship. At least this way I'm not expected to trust anyone or be comfortable with things or feel okay with stuff I'm not okay with.
I'm tired of being expected to feel things that I don't.
Blah.
In other news, today Damian Kulash, Ben Folds, Amanda Palmer, and Niel Gaiman are locking themselves in a studio for 8 hours and putting out some kind of record... And those people have so much talent that even if it's terrible it'll still be awesome. I'm very excited about this. :]
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Comments
Is this cause of me? :P
But anyways... Yeah. I'm only active with this one guy. I mean, I don't even know how long it would take me to be comfortable enough with anyone else... I just feel like I could show him anything, do anything with him, and it would be alright no matter what.
And so far it has :) It's really more about that, I guess, than the humpin' and whatnot :P Just being close to him, comfortable with him... It's pretty amazing.
I mean... When I say I love him, this is the sort of things I think about. The fact we can do weird things together and it's just okay.
Sorry. Sorta mushy comment. but I would say that it's best that you've not really been sexual- You haven't found anybody to be comfortable with. To me, it isn't age- It's how you treat sex that should determine who should or shouldn't have it.
I dunno. I guess I'm bias cause I'm having it :P
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Amazingly offensive <3
I'm a virgin, and I plan on
I'm a virgin, and I plan on staying that way for awhile. Sex kinda scares me, to be honest with you. Just the fact that you're so vulnerable and open to someone when you do it...It just frightens me. I will definitely be waiting until I meet the right girl, and I actually fall in love.
Sex should be the ultimate expression of your love for someone, not just something you do to have fun or whatever.
the point of sex is not
the point of sex is not "poking another person so they feel good." the point is "this is how much i trust you."
so what you said about sex is like exactly true.
and i am soooo excited for whatever comes out of that studioooo
Honestly, I don't see why we
Honestly, I don't see why we as humans attach such a special significance to sex. Every animal does it. Now, this doesn't mean we need to run around being gigantic whorebags who do everyone in town... That can lead to high chances to get icky diseases, and people who do that tend to try and make it everyone's business, which is irritating. I'm not against casual sex, though, as long as it's done safely. You're not a whore if you sleep with a few people; you're only a whore if you sleep with everyone and use this to create drama. I am also not specifically saving my virginity for anyone because I don't see it as a special thing.
The super-response
I'm just gonna respond to you all in one big comment instead of flooding my own journal with responses. Haha.
Shelby - a little bit, I mean, that got me thinking about it again... But it's mostly because it's kind if rediculous that I'm still not getting it at all. Haha. A lot of people younger than me have sex, and even more of them want to, to some degree. I don't have a problem with it, and I think that it's great that you're being safe and enjoying yourself with somebody you're really close to and comfortable with. And that you're comfortable with talking about it. I think that's healthy. I just have a hard time kind of getting it. It's always a surprise to me. Like "really? People are sexual that young?" And, of course they are. Just not me. Haha.
Though it does make me feel bad for myself that I've been so horrifically unsuccessful with romance so far. |D;
And I agree, sex is definitely about how you see it. As well as how comfortable you are with it and your body and your partner(s). I don't think that anybody can or should really dictate to others how to feel about something that personal.
Radiosilence - I'm a virgin too, I'm pretty scared of everyone and everything, so it'll be a while. But I'm okay with that I guess. I figure that it's better to be ready when it happens than it is to jump into something I'm not emotionally prepared for and be scarred by it.
I personally don't like the idea of tying sex and love together so closely. It's a little pressuring to me; as if I can't prove I love someone unelss I'm willing to sex with them...
Like, even if I was in love with someone, and they were in love with me, and I honestly trusted them and was comfortable around them, I can't say for sure I'd be comfortable doing that. So it bothers me. I don't want to feel like because I can't have sex with someone that means I am less passionate about them or that I love them less.
I don't think anyone can decide what sex means for other people...
Whateversexual - *shrugs* I feel like I undersand sex alright from an acedemic standpoint, but not at all on a personal level. It's weird. Haha.
And me too! They ended up writing/recording only 6 songs in 12 hours, but considering that for these people, 1 song in 12 weeks is normal, I think that's pretty impressive. Haha.
It was interesting watching the webcast because Damian is frontman for OK Go and -such- a blabber mouth (And really awesome at lots of things I might add). But Ben Folds is a really good and experienced musician, and Amanda is a bit bossy (but in a good way. :D ) So Damian was realtively quiet and obident. I really hope there's good coverage of the panel they're going to do this morning, I want to hear what they have to say. Haha.I really wish I could -be- there but $200 per ticket is just a tad bit out of my price range. XP
Super Duck - Well, I know sex is signifigant to me because of a few things, one being that I have enough body image issues to fill a lake with, and not to mention all of my other hangups... And I've only ever felt even remotely sexually attracted to people I already have a strong emotional and romantic attraction to. I'm not saving my virginity for anyone either really, because I don't see firsts as a big deal. Just because something is a first doesn't make it more significant or important to me... And it's gonna be sloppy and embarrassing anyway. :P
But I mean, for me, sex is this huge emotional risk. For me to want to go through with that, the risk would have to be minimized and the benefit would have to exceed the risk. I don't think I'd get anything out of casual sex except for physical pleasure and, frankly, I can do that myself without putting my emotional well-being on the line. :P So I would need to really trust and love someone for it to be worth it to me.
That said, I don't really care about who other people sleep with, or how often, or how many, or whatever... I also try to stay out of other people's drama. Haha. I think that people should be responsible and respect each other, but as long as everything's consensual it's really not my place to judge. *shrugs*