I still have a really difficult time grasping the concept that there are people younger than me who are sexually active... Which I mean, I'm 18. You'd think I'd be used to this idea by now. :P
I don't have a problem with it. I mean, sex isn't inherently a good or bad thing, it depends on the people involved and the situation and blahdy bladhy blah... But it's just really weird for me, because personally, I'm not ready for sex. I don't know what it's like to really want to have sex with someone (have I wanted sex to some degree? Probably. But not like urges so much as "if I could get past my hangups it'd be nice".) and I've never been in a relationship with someone I was comfortable with enough to be okay with even trying anything in that direction.
I mean, I've only been in one relationship really. And we did do stuff in that direction, a bit, and it was terrible and awful because she thought of me as a girl but I'm a boy and there was all sorts of dissonance and dysphoria and shit going on and just. Ugh. :/
And I'm 18 and going to college in the fall and that's the closest I've gotten to a real relationship and the other party was smitten with a fake person that wasn't actually me. Joy. It just barely counts.
And I think that if I was in a real relationship with someone I actually trusted and we were actually in love with each other, I'd get the whole sex thing. But it'll be forever before that happens if only because it takes me that long to get that close to someone. I guess I should be patient but is it even worth the trouble if we're going to just end up breaking each other's hearts someday?
Pfft. Sorry that everything I post about ends up with me venting. I'm just a whiny pathetic person I know. It's a wonder my friends haven't all started ignoring me with all of the complaining and whining and venting I do.
It's probably also why nobody is attracted to me. Whining isn't attractive.
And I keep saying to myself "I'll stop being so pathetic when this problem goes away" but then new problems crop up and it turns out that I still don't know how to deal with anything at all ever.
Hell, I create half of my problems and I'm just so scared of everyone and everything that even when I do have a chance with someone I'll destroy it because I'd rather deal with this unrequited feelings shit than be in an actual relationship. At least this way I'm not expected to trust anyone or be comfortable with things or feel okay with stuff I'm not okay with.
I'm tired of being expected to feel things that I don't.
In other news, today Damian Kulash, Ben Folds, Amanda Palmer, and Niel Gaiman are locking themselves in a studio for 8 hours and putting out some kind of record... And those people have so much talent that even if it's terrible it'll still be awesome. I'm very excited about this. :]