So I saw the new therapist again today. I still don't like her. And she made me talk about shit today and then it was like "okay, its time to go" and I wanted to yell and scream at her. I was so mad with her and so sad. Walking to the bus I had a hard time not succumbing to tears. I really wanted to.
Last week was not good at all. This weekend was fine. But the urges are back with me today. Not that they're ever not with me, but they were more manageable during the daytimes this weekend. Night times are tough. But today, the day, was hellish. I'm so sick of it. Like really, I cannot stand this. It monopolizes my life.
I cannot help but call myself names. They're really rude names because I have so little self-respect. I wish that I was nicer to myself but its hard. Yesterday I kept calling myself a monster. Am I a monster?
I haven't heard back from BusGirl. Only heard back from her that once over email but nothing since then. I'm sad.
I've been clean for nearly four months now.
I've been off Facebook since March 4, 2011.
I wish I had someone to help with this depression. Someone to help guide me through it. Is one best friend really that much to ask for?
Today was a shitty day. Not counting the fact that I have a final exam tomorrow morning. But in the early hours of the morning my good friend was hospitalized. Excuse my French but FUCK.