I've been longing for a hug from my former friend, M. This is the same girl that has not talked to me at all in several months, though I havent talked to her in person in over a year and haven't seen her in over a year.
I dont tell anyone about the recurring dreams I have of her where I get to hug her.
I wake up and I feel a void in my body, my heart, my mind, my soul. Its so painful and even more painful because of the fact that I can't tell anyone about it.
Its because when E took her life, I felt like a part of M died, too.
I've been looking for a hug to replace that but haven't found any. My friend, Y, gives great hugs, but I don't see him much. My friend O hugs me but its not as...permanent-feeling.
This has led me to where I am now. I long for the courage and guts to be able to tell my therapist that I need a hug. I dont know if thats weird or bad. But I just need someone to hug me.
The depression has been awful and miserable lately, which is why I haven't read/commented on journals lately, written my own journals, or gotten back to people via Private Messaging. I just feel so alone and that's led me to further isolate myself.
I feel so...robotic. And haven't been able to eat too well lately, either. I think I'm losing weight which sucks because I'm already skinny.