Bleh. Curse my weird hormones. I've been having, umm, fantasies about girls lately. And when I say girls, of course I'm referring to mainly Amber. The thing is, when I first realized I was in love with Amber, the furthest I imagined us going was cuddling...with clothes on, of course. And maybe a few kisses. My love for her was so pure and innocent and puppy-like. But now...my fantasies are becoming more erotic and racy. I imagine her naked and...well, I won't go into explicit detail. Surprisingly enough, these daydreams don't make me awkward around Amber, but I do find myself blushing when I'm around her, trying to suppress my nasty little thoughts. Is this some kind of sexual awakening or something? I just feel so disgusted with myself for thinking of Amber like that. The nice thing is that these fantasies aren't like "Hey, let's fuck a lot." They're more passionate and full of love, like "I love you and I want to be with you so let's express our love in a beautiful and physical way."
I'm debating on whether or not I should bring these fantasies up with my therapist tomorrow. I trust that woman with my life, and I love her to pieces. And I'm sure we would have a nice conversation about it, like we do about anything else. But I'm not sure how awkward it would be, for me at least. The thing is that I daydream about sex with Amber often. Not 24/7, but frequently. During class, on the bus, when I'm in bed, when I'm asleep. It makes me feel perverted, like I'm a sick and twisted rapist or something.
Gah. Hopefully these nasty little fantasies will decrease with time.