An encouraging note I wrote to myself.

Don't see April 12 as a day where you failed in failing. Stepping back was the smart choice even if you cannot recognize that now. You may hate yourself for it but deep down you know that it was no fluke that made you stop. Your phone didn't ring there was nothing prompting you to stop. But you did anyway. That's a true measure of strength. Accept the Depression OCD and anxiety as a part of you. It's not the whole you. Over these last two years youve been stronger than you believe and or take credit for.  But I want you to know that even if you don't think so now or realize this now or believe this now- you made it through not as a weakness of failing to fail but as a strength. You have gotten through this before and I know you can do it again. It may be hard now and it may take every single cell in your body to convince you to go on living but trust me it is worth it. Do not forget where you came from but at the same time do not see this as an indication of where you're going. You can change for the better. Not everything will come easily to you and you will have stepbacks but you cannot erase the time effort progress or experience that you experienced in the past