Testosterone is great. I love testosterone. I think it's really super-fantastic-awesome that I can get the testosterone I need. Like, you have no idea.
...But I'm sick of needles. I don't know how much longer I can do this needle business for. I mean, a shot, once a week, every week, for the rest of my life? I don't know. I don't want to ask for a gel though because those are more expensive, and that would come out of my dad's pocket. I cost him enough as it is. :/
So yeah. Needles. Fun.
This is basically my I'm-really-fucking-jealous-of-everybody-that-makes-their-own-hormones-properly rant. I can't even fathom the rest of my life... And this needle stuff... I mean, it's been 2 years and I've only gotten worse at this. I'm never going to get used to poking holes in myself on a weekly (or even bi-weekly) basis. It's not fair. most people's bodies do the hormone making right the first time.
I'm probably more upset by this than I am the appearance of my downstairs department. I mean, I'm actually kind of ok with what's down there except for that those glands don't make the right hormones and it screws up the rest of my body unless I stick myself with metal and inject some hormone to fix things. (run-on sentence I know. I am the master at those.) I mean... For the rest of my life guys. Not just for a few weeks or months or years. For the rest of my life I'm going to have to supplement a hormone my body doesn't make enough of on it's own. I won't ever get away from that.
And while it's better than the alternative... It's just that... There's no recovering from it. I won't be "cured" some day. I'll never wake up in the body I was supposed to have and I have to stick a needle in my leg every week just so I can cope with what I've got.
Sorry for being all whiny and dysphoric and blehhh. Going away now.