So I went to the doctor's today.

Apparently, I'm also pee shy. I completely failed to pee into a cup. Kinda embarrassing. (Didn't someone else here go through that a little while ago?) They gave me water and I still couldn't do it. There's something psychological about being pressured into peeing that makes it pretty much impossible for me.

And also I was not expecting a pap smear to be so painful. Maybe it's because testosterone dries that area out but... Ow. It was still uncomfortable afterward too... There was the super nice assistant in there while my doctor was poking around, and she was helpful at distracting me a little, but it was kinda awkward for me as well.

And I went to get my blood drawn and the receptionist got confused by the lab request and I overheard them calling me "she". The lab request said I had "dysfunctional uterine bleeding" and normally I'd just shrug it off and say "oh well, it was an honest mistake" (because it was really, despite the fact that I have a male name and stubble and my ID (which says "M") on file, and they saw me. But I mean, it's possible they don't have much experience with trans people and didn't know what to call me (or that I could hear them) which is fair.) but I am just not in the mood for it today... And I'm not blaming them at all, but it did make my crappy mood worse. They actually called my doctor's office to confirm that I had the right lab request. XP I kinda wish they had asked -me-... But pfft. Fine. Whatever.

The person who took my blood had 80's music going in her office, (Madonna I think, and then that "Sweet Dreams are made of this" song.) I remember mentally noting that. She was really nice and smiley, so that helped my mood a little bit... I definitely appreciate people who work in the medical field.

And now I've got a prescription for some kind of pain killer. It's supposed to stop the bleeding... I really love the people at the local pharmacy, the pharmacist there walked up to me and explained the pain killer to me. They all kinda know me because I've been there a lot, and they're just really nice. Locally owned businesses FTW.

I'm not looking forward to the ultrasound though. (Yeah, I'm gonna have one of those too. Monday.) My doctor's office is respectful and understanding of trans people, which is why I go there and not somewhere closer. Haha. But I'm gonna have to go to the hospital for the ultrasound and while I'm confident that they'll try to be respectful, that doesn't mean they won't say or do something potentially upsetting or triggering... And this whole "dysfunctional uterine bleeding" thing has already got me kinda moody.

And after all of the poking and sticking today and I feel a little bit like a science experiment. But I still feel a little less freaked out now, because at least something is being done... Though nobody actually knows what's wrong with me yet.

Also, I've decided to stay away from soy now because of the whole soy-has-icky-hormones in it thing. I really don't need that right now.

Oh and this girl on facebook keeps whining about steroid injections. I mean, I haven't said anything because I really hate when people do the whole "shut up because I have it worse than you" thing but like... Me. T injections, every week, forever. (or at least until there's an acceptable alternative, like implants... Then I won't have to deal with it as often.) So it's still kinda irritating.

Anyway, I'm going to go make myself some comfort food... Haha, I'm just kinda mopey right now. It'll pass.