Guy Best Friend has a new girlfriend. According to Facebook, she likes the Scott Pilgrim series, so she's probably cool. I'm sure if I text him and am all, "DUDE YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND!" he'll be all, "YES, NOW YOU NEED ONE. GO GET FCG!" like the last time we talked. Haha.

Girl Best Friend thinks I should kick my sister in the face for being such a brat. We had a huge conversation about it yesterday. According to my mom, I'm an 8-year-old because I don't want Brat Sister's grubby hands all over me. Ugh. I really am getting sick of my mom and Brat Sister.

I am so mad. I have to take this stupid test thing for school AGAIN. This is the fourth year in a row, and it is not okay anymore. Basically, the test thing exists solely to make the school look good. Two people per subject are chosen from each grade, and they take this multiple choice test with a bunch of other schools. I was excited for it last year because I had a crush on that one girl who moved away to another school and got to see her, but this year, it's just a hassle. (And I desperately hope I don't see that girl there this time because I'll be reminded of how miserably I failed with her... More on that in a minute.)

I thought I was safe this year. I really did. IG was told that she had to do the chemistry one, and two of my other friends were forced into the algebra one. There isn't a European history one, an economics one, or a second year French one. My English teacher never mentioned it, so I really thought that maybe I was finally free. That is, until my mom opened the mail. There was a stupid letter from school stating that I get to go take the English one! HOW ABOUT NO? I don't WANT to make my school look good. There is no point. It has a well-deserved reputation of being a shithole populated almost entirely by racist, homophobic, snobby douches, and no English test is going to change that.

Well, there are usually some hot girls there. That's a plus. But all the other schools dress up and look super nice while we're forced to wear our uniforms, so we actually look sloppy compared to them. I don't want to look sloppy in front of hot girls! :(

Anyway, I was actually thinking about that girl earlier, the one who moved away. Well, not really about her, although as I type this, I am thinking a little bit about all the great things we used to do together. That's not the point, though. The point is how terribly I failed with her. In 8th grade, she was one of my best friends. In 9th grade, after she moved, I talked to her maybe 7 or 8 times. And most of those were because she came to one of my school football's game or something. I haven't had a decent-length conversation with her in over a year. I talked to her randomly a few months ago, but it was only for a few minutes. And it really sucks because she was great. Like, I wouldn't mind still having her as a friend, even thought I wouldn't have a crush on her anymore. We liked all the same music and had the same sense of humor, and she was the only person to ever stand up for me back in 8th grade when I still got picked on all the time. It's way too late now, though.

I stopped talking to her because I panicked. I don't remember what I panicked over, to be honest. The end of 8th grade is a blur to me. Going by some things I wrote after she left, I guess I thought that I wasn't as good as her new friends probably were, so I should just stop trying. I had nothing to base that on, though, but it sounds pretty much like something my brain would come up with.

I'm not thinking about all this just because I can... Well, it did start because I was listening to a song she showed me a long time ago, but I'm thinking about it so much because I am scared I'll do the same thing (or somehow, do something even worse, if that's possible) again.

I know what I did wrong. I panicked and stopped talking to her out of pure stupidity. I'm so scared I'll do the same thing to FCG. I don't ever want to do that again because it made me feel like shit. Okay, no, that's a huge understatement. Worse than shit. I just... Ughhh. I really don't want to go through all that again. During this last quarter of the school year, I need to get FCG's number, start calling/texting her regularly, and not freaking stop forever out of fear when the seniors leave. But I am still terrified of Phase 1 of that plan because I am a huge loser.

Anyway, I'm starving, but I'm afraid to eat anything because today I had this amazing... thing... I don't even know how to describe it, but I'm sure it was at least 1236135 calories. It was like a chocolate chip cookie and a brownie had sex, and their baby was this thing. It was GREAT.