Old People Only Cost a Nickel When I Was Your Age

Super Duck's picture

Lots of bad family drama today... I'll get to that later. Instead, I shall share a horrifically awkward moment my dear friends created today.

So, I pick stray hairs off of my friends. I know that's a little weird, but it bothers me, so I have to do it. It's especially noticeable when my friends who are blonde have stray hairs on their dark school shirts. That was the case with FCG today. But... The stray hair just so happened to be about an inch away from her left boob. I felt deeply conflicted.

"It's a perfect excuse to touch it!" said one perverted little voice within me. "Do it, do it, do it!"

"No, idiot!" said another, more mature little voice. "FCG isn't just some random hot girl whose boobs you wanna grab. You really, REALLY like her, so you should treat her with a little more respect."

I was at a crossroads for a moment, but I eventually decided to get the stray hair without touching her inappropriately. All was well until one of my friends decided to comment!

Friend: Hahaha, Super Duck!
Me: What?
Friend: You almost touched her boob!
Me: Uhh... Yeah, I tried pretty hard to avoid that, actually.
IG: I don't think FCG would mind~

Now, THIS comment got my attention. My face got all hot, and I looked down at the floor.

IG: There isn't even anything there to grab! She has no boobs.
FCG: ((Sigh)) You're right...
IG: FCG has noooo boobs~
FCG: Well, it's a little better when I wear a real bra, but when I wear a sports bra, it's just kind of whatever.

Well, I think FCG has an awesome body. She then proceeded to complain that she thinks she's chubby and boob-less, but I don't think so. I don't think she's chubby at all, and I think she's totally adequate in the chest department. You are so, so, sooo beautiful, FCG...

FCG was also upset because a girl kicked her leg super hard. Aww. I asked her why the girl did that. The reason? "Well, uh... I spanked her." Oh, FCG! That's why we don't spank random girls. You should only spank ones who you know will respond positively, like me!

In other news, I do get to room with my friends on our trip later this week. This is good news, but my mom was all, "OMG YOU KNOW YOU COULD POSSIBLY HAVE TO SLEEP IN THE SAME BED AS ONE OF THEM, RIGHT?" in this tone that implied I'd do bad things. Uhh, I know. I'm not planning to rape my friends! I am offended she would even imply that! Yes, they are pretty girls, but I am not attracted to any of them, and I would never do anything bad to them!

Also, British Girl came up to me today just to say how much she loves my car. This means that girls like my car; therefore, FCG may like it too.

So, yeah, the drama. I pick my sister up from school most days now that I can drive alone. I am not supposed to get her an after-school snack because she is supposed to lose weight, and I'm not supposed to be driving all over town by myself. My sister is well-aware that she doesn't get a fast food after-school snack when I pick her up, and she is okay with this. There is a strict no messy food rule in the car too. If she wants something, I have told her multiple times that she can keep not-so-messy snacks like chips and granola bars in the car for after school.

I was about to go to the place where the elementary school kids who have older siblings that drive them home are supposed to wait, but suddenly, my sister appeared. I also noticed my grandma's car was in the parking lot, and she was walking towards me.

Me: Why aren't you at the waiting place?
Sister: Granny is here!
Me: What? Why?
Granny: Your sister needs an after-school snack. Take this money.
Me: I'm not supposed to get her one.
Granny: But she NEEEDS one!
Me: She can eat something healthier as soon as we get home. She knows that. I'm NOT supposed to drive all around town by myself!
Granny: Well, fine, then! I'll just come up here every day myself and pick her up so she can have Burger King.

If she wants to waste her fucking gas, then fine! But I do NOT appreciate her coming up to the school and making a scene over something I am not even supposed to be doing. She took my sister and left, so naturally, I had to explain to my mom why I came home by myself. And my mom was PISSED.

My grandma came over and started a bunch of shit, and she called me a fucking LIAR. What the hell!? Then, she and my mom started calling each other whores and trying to beat the hell out of each other. It was prettyyyy scary. My mom wants to get a restraining order against her now... Hell, I would too. She's going crazy. I don't even know why she started shit with me today when she knows I am NOT ALLOWED to drive all around town, especially in super busy parts like where all the fast food joints are. I'm supposed to come straight home every day, the exception being tomorrow, as I have to go by a friend's house for something. (Nervous to drive there, even though I know full well where it is!)

I just... Why? Why would Granny even do what she did in the first place, and why in the HELL would she call me a liar? My dad even told her I can't go to the fast food places.

Comments

625539's picture

the title oh my jesus

the title oh my jesus

Super Duck's picture

It's pretty great :P

It's pretty great :P

Riku's picture

You and FCG are so cute.

You need to ask her out or get her phone number or something. I know you know this but I'm pestering you about it anyway. You can do it Super Duck! You're super and awesome and also a duck, so I know it's possible. :]

And I'm sorry about your family. XP My mom's side of the family is pretty crazy but thankfully I don't have to deal with them if I don't want to.

Also, while I'm here, that title is fantastic.

Super Duck's picture

Haha, yeah, I know... I only

Haha, yeah, I know... I only have a month to do it, so I need to do it ASAP!

Unfortunately, my crazy grandma lives 5 minutes away, so I do kind of have to deal with her often. I have seen her a lot less ever since I got my driver's license since she doesn't have to pick me up from school anymore, but she still does appear sometimes.

:P I love the Title Generator!

Dracofangxxx's picture

DUDE, CRAZY PERSON FIGHT

That's pretty suckish though. I'm sorry.
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Amazingly offensive <3

Super Duck's picture

Crazy person fight indeed!

Crazy person fight indeed! It was terrifying.

Dracofangxxx's picture

I'm suprised!

Can't believe your mom stopped talking to her boyfriend long enough to even GET in a brawl! XD
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Amazingly offensive <3

radiosilence95's picture

Awww, you sound like you're

Awww, you sound like you're in love with FCG. How completely adorable! You know what I think? I think you guys are gonna hook up someday. Yes sir, you will.

Aren't grandmas suppose to be all sweet and loving? My grandma bakes me cookies and tells me what a good girl I am and lavishes me with love and admiration. And you're grandma is beating up your mom? Wow. You poor child.

Super Duck's picture

"In love" is a strong,

"In love" is a strong, strong phrase... I don't know if I am allowed to say that. I don't want to sound stupid. But I'm crazy about her. I like her more than I've ever liked anyone else. I think she is amazing, and I am so scared about her leaving. I want to be hers more than I've wanted anything in quite a while. I can't really put it into words, to be honest.

Yeah... My mom and my grandma kind of completely and utterly hate each other. (The grandma is my dad's mother, not my mom's.) Things like this have happened a LOT before.