I just want to write this down. Process my emotions.
No one is an island. But sometimes I just want to be one.
I cheated on my boyfriend, and I promised I would never hurt him. Why does cheating come with such absolute and universal stigma? It's always focused on the victim, I just wish people also understood cheaters are not simply malicious people wanting to hurt their partners. I just wish people understood while cheating may be an act done with voliton, people aren't without flaws and there are mitigating factors and a narrative behind everything.
It probably sounds like I'm condoing cheating, and it will appear that I am. I'm just trying to say the processes are more complex. Analogically, stealing may be bad, and should definitely be discouraged. But the person becomes labelled as a criminal with all sorts of connotations and nothing else matters - he becomes the 'other' and loses all his individuality. But before the person was a criminal he was still the same person. Neither do people consider the conditions that give rise to the theft (poverty, necessity, human nature) - he is just a criminal now. You don't have to support theft (and similarly, cheating) to understand our perceptions of undesirable behaviour are too reductive.
I told him the next day. I didn't hide it. I was extremely drunk and it was (only) a kiss, so I wouldn't even say the cheating was fully autonomous. I know this because not only was I really drunk, I didn't get his number and I didn't even like the guy, it was just fun that someone's showing interest and buying me drinks. I didn't do anything else I felt really bad and went home. I was extremely remorseful I told my flatmate straight away and I cried myself to sleep.
Again, I'm not trying to say cheating is right. But I didn't even have the state of mind, and I told my boyfriend straight away. Of course he's really upset. But some people cheat and hide it for ages, or never tell their partners. In contrast, I understand what I did was wrong, and I never wanted to hurt my boyfriend even though I did. I don't know why people always fixate on the cheating and then nothing else maters. I did everything right as a boyfriend, and I tripped up once, and because of the stigma attached to cheating somehow this outweighs everything in the entire world.