Today has been alright. I mean, I'm sick and that's not alright. I felt like I was gonna throw up last night so I had to lie on my back and stay there. I'm pretty restless when I'm falling asleep usually so that was hard for me.

I woke up really dehydrated too which sucked. And I've had a headache all day. XP

Oh, and my cat peed on my portfolio envelope. I was not happy. No artwork was harmed thank goodness but now the thing smells like cat piss. Not cool. :/

But today guy-I-like told me that he feels weird when he doesn't talk to me for more than a day, which. Like. I kind of assumed that we just spoke often because he got bored or out of pity or something. (which is kind of silly considering how busy he is but my insecurity has this tendency to get the best of me) It never occurred to me that he actually likes talking to me that much. So yeah... I'm really glad that this is a mutual thing. :D (FTR I'm completely aware he still doesn't have romantic feelings for me. But I'm an important person to him and he's important to me and it's nice.)

So that made my day.

In other news, I'm gonna be spending a week and a half sleeping at other people's houses and I'm not sure what I'm going to do about binding. I slept in a binder for two nights and my back is killing me (to be fair, I was sleeping on a hard wood floor, but my ribs ache too and that's definitely from the binder.) and on top of that, I'm kind of sick. So I'm going to have to figure out some way of not triggering my dysphoria, but also not hurting myself physically. I really hate how much of my life is me balancing those two things. Wearing a binder for too long is almost as triggering as not wearing one where people can see me is. So I don't know what I'm going to do yet.

But other than that I'm really excited for it. :]

Also, I'm getting really fucking sick of my phone anxiety. Everyone talks like calling people isn't a big deal and I should just "get over it" but for me it is and I can't just "get over it". I've called plenty of people despite my anxiety and you know what? I still get really anxious every time I have to. It hasn't gotten any milder. Nobody knows how to help me deal with it. They just tell me to "just do it" and clearly just doing it hasn't helped at all. I want my anxiety to go away and I'm not sure it ever will.

I want to be able to do something as simple as calling to ask when a store is going to close without feeling like I'm about to have a heart attack. It's frustrating. And I feel like some kind of pathetic failure every time someone tries to explain to me how stupidly easy it is to call people. Clearly it isn't for me.

My aunt worries about me because I haven't left my room much recently. I just hate binding (especially since I've been sick). That's really most of the reason why.

But um. I listened to the Harry Potter soundtrack (first movie) for the first time in years, ate a peanut butter banana sandwich, watched Doctor Who, and plus there's that thing Boy-I-Like said to me so I think today was overall a good day.

Speaking of Boy-I-Like, he keeps mentioning how muscular he's getting, not directly at me usually but still. It's a little frustrating because every time he does that I just want him more. Ahaha. I'm more amused by my own frustration than anything else though so it's ok. :P And I'm happy for him because I know he has a lot of body image issues and I'm sure that it's helping with that.

Also sorry for being unresponsive to PMs and stuff. It's really hard to support other people when I'm in a position of needing support. XP