You ever feel the sensation of being in love without an object the feeling is directed towards?
Just. In love. Not in love with anyone or anything. Just in love. Like that.
I'm feeling that way right now. Weirdness.
Oh you know what? I just ate a handful of chocolate chips. That might have something to do with it.
I've been practicing singing a lot recently. Getting better, which is nice. I pride myself in being able to hit notes that I couldn't hit a few weeks ago. Can I hit them well? Uhh... I'll get back to you. But I mean, I've been steadily improving which is nifty.
Oh, so it's been snowing a lot here in the northeastern part of the states. A lot a lot. Most of you know this but in case you didn't, you do now.
My room is on the second floor, if you look out the window, you see this:
Now, there isn't actually an entire story of snow but a roof to the porch under my window. But I still don't think I've ever seen it do that before, plus, taken out of context, it looks really really terrible. (and in context, it's just terrible.)
And to be fair, it doesn't look quite like that anymore because I was bored today and decided to see how deep the snow was outside of my window... I never actually found the roof, but I did see some impressive icicles hanging out
Some of those were taller than me. :I
I'm gonna have a bit of a gender rant now if you don't mind.
Okay so, on Halloween I had this awesome costume (that I have no decent pictures of, unfortunately. Maybe one of these days I'll put it on again just so I can take pictures of it) that involved dangly earrings because... I said so. (It was just something I made up. I have a fun time making things up.) And I was at a friend's party and I left the earrings on after I took the costume off because I didn't want to lose them and I was being lazy and suchness.
It made my friends super-mega-ultra uncomfortable. One of them was like "That earring makes you look reaaallyyyy gay" but they didn't mean "really gay" they meant "like a girl".
And then I got home and my dad was like "don't wear that. It makes you look like a girl."
And you know what? I didn't care that the earring made me look feminine... But it really bothered me that it bothered them so much.
Maybe I like that I could pass as a girl if I wanted to. Maybe I like that something as simple as an earring can throw my whole gender presentation off-balance. I think that's neat.
I think that within my circle of friends, the 'gender box' is super-ultra strict on me because I'm a trans dude. Most of my friends think that gender-variance is super-sweet, but if I present too feminine they suddenly get really uncomfortable and it makes me super anxious. There's this whole dissonance thing going on because they saw me as female once and apparently a dumb earring is enough to push me back into the "subconsciously registers as female" zone so they get mega uncomfortable... Because they want to see me as male, and they do, but I look femaleish?
But I mean... I'm still a guy, and it's just a fucking earring.
Plus. What if I didn't blend? What if I always looked femaleish? I'm still a guy. I hate the assumption that every trans person wants to look like a cis person, or should. Maybe a trans person can't or doesn't or won't. Maybe that's up to them and their identity should be respected regardless.
...now I really want to wear earrings. :P