i think i feel a little lonely tonight. i know there is always the one i can talk to, but i feel like having company in the land of the living. i crave an ear to listen to me. i want someone who will care. i want reassurance, hey i guess i do have some teenage qualities (LOL!). if only there were one mortal who cared for the outcast, one of the delicate flowers in the sea of weeds. alas i've been stepped upon for many a long time, my pedals are fading and withered, the stem which held me high has bent. yet i continue to live, but for how long. how long before i am my own assasin? (i'm still NOT suicidal)
i wonder if Jesus was ever suicidal, i can certainly see how it would have been a thought to approach him. i'm certainly feeling that way. i know there are some who would see my suicide as a drop in the bucket. "oh how nice it would be for the God freak to be at the hands of death and meet his maker! his God that does not exist has surely forsaken him!". maybe i should leave this place once and for all time. i thought a place like this was to be accepting no matter what we are. apparently it was a false hope that lured me here and decieved me.
if i had a blank book in which to write the misfortunes in my life i caused upon myself, the pages would paint a picture of woe and regret of a life not even fully begun. i want to make an exodus from this place. yet i still stay. i need to get a IRC account and make friends through the antiquated technology that many unwise people can't navigate. maybe i will find my bretheren there and there i will seek acceptance. and there i will curse The Facebook, Myspace, Friendster, Oasis, Mocospace, and all the others that have spoiled The Digital Frontier.
i will build a base of friends and there i will reside and live a life of complete anonymity toward any who seek me for the ritual virtual hanging.