So I had this dream that I was going to this art-camp-type-thing and I was staying in some weird hotel school. It was the weekend I'm actually going to a convention in Boston... But I was at the art-camp-thing and I was leaving early to hang out with my friends in Connecticut, which, I am doing. But there's no leaving early from art camp... Just after the con is over.
But yeah I was at the orientation thingy and we were sharing about ourselves, and this trans girl outed herself and people decided to be assholes to her. She ran away, I told everyone that they were being shitheads and then followed her. We ended up talking about music because she plays bass, we were going to play music together but we never did because my dreams are non-linear like that. :[
She was really awesome though, I wish she was an actual existing person.
That was the only interesting part of the dream though really. The rest was mostly nonsense and annoying things.
Yesterday was interesting, my buddy Red turned 18 so we went to a store and looked at the 18+ section because we could. Haha. I was actually kind of bored by it (it's not like I haven't seen sex toys and tobacco before) but he was entertained so whatever.
I'm happy for him because he got over his insecurity and he's okay with being mistaken for a girl now because he knows he's a boy. Which is a good attitude to have.
...But I was in kind of a sucky mood yesterday. They got here right while I was in the middle of a discussion about why SNL sucks, so I was already pissy. Haha.
And then they talked about a lot of things I can't relate to... Like video games and anime conventions and internet memes. I don't really care about a lot of that stuff... I mean, I like video games, but casually. I outgrew anime conventions (never really liked them to be totally honest. Not my crowd I guess.) and I'm unfamiliar with internet memes mostly because they're terribly stupid.
My mind was somewhere else most of the time. They brought me out way past my bedtime you know? (We got back at like.. Midnight...) So it was bound to happen. I didn't have anything to contribute to their conversations anyway. At one point Mulan got mentioned and I wanted to drift the conversation that way but it went back to being about stuff I don't care about. XP
But I could see the stars from the car pretty well. I recognized Cygnus and Orion and Ursa Major. I'm not very good at constellations, but I recognize those ones.
In other (possibly TMI but I don't really have anyone to talk about this with) news... I was sexually frustrated the other day... (Which, I hadn't experienced for a while because of the whole hormones-out-of-whack business... So I forgot that I could...) Well sort of. I guess it wasn't really "sexually" because... I still didn't want sex (which worries me actually. I really don't want my asexuality to hurt my chances with a sexual person. :/ ) But I was sensually frustrated?? I didn't want sex but all of the stuff that normally leads up to sex I wanted. XD;
Like, if I had that conversation about cookies vs makeouts at that time I would've been like "screw cookies."
So yeah. I still don't understand my sexuality (or lack thereof?) at all. Does this bother me? Not really.
I think I'm more bothered by the fact that if I ever do manage to be in a relationship, I'm going to have a hell of a time working out what I want, what I don't want, and what I'm okay with or not okay with.
One time I went to fast and ended up feeling really violated. As a result I'm kind of terrified of anything past chaste kisses... I don't know what I'm ready for, what could trigger me, or what. That's a much bigger problem than my asexuality.
Yep, another journal that's way too long by yours truly.