So, my friends are kind of a bunch of assholes. I love them, but at the same time, I really hate them because they say stupid shit. At the beginning of lunch today, we were getting along fine, and no stupid shit was being said. IG had just told me that she thinks she might be agnostic or an atheist. I'm probably the best person in our school to go to about that since I think I seriously am the only openly nonreligious person in our school. So, yeah, we were talking about that. Then, the conversation turned to her not-boyfriend. She very strongly believes that the "not" part will be removed this evening, and she's very, very, VERY excited.
IG: I just know he's gonna ask me out! I'm soooo excited!
Second Friend: Well, you have been saying this for over month now...
IG: But he's going to! I just know it! It's Valentine's Day! Ahhh, I'm so excited! Haha, sorry, you guys, I'm just really excited.
Me: It's okay to be excited!
Second Friend: Hey, it's even a good thing to be excited over a guy. That means you're not gay!
IG and Second Friend: HAHAHAHA
Thanks, you guys. I love you too. You guys only picked on me for being gay for, oh, 3 years or so until you decided to grow up and stop and sort of apologize. Oh, there's just no way you could possibly know I'm gay. But it's all okay. You didn't hurt anything because it's not like the icky gays have feelings anyway, riiight?
I get pretty frustrated with them when they speak as if everyone at our table is straight. They KNOW I'm gay. They have to know; how else could they have teased me about it when we were younger? One of my best friends used to be mean to me about it in middle school, but last year, when we became friends, she started not believing I'm gay. She still won't. (And going on and on about how much I dig Swedish girls did NOTHING to convince her! She thought I was freaking joking!) It frustrates me so bad when no one believes I'm gay. How is that such a hard thing to imagine? Some people say it's because I "don't look like it."
Oh, and IG caught me checking out a girl today. I just know she did. She didn't say anything, though, but I am seriously like 99% sure she saw where I was looking when she walked by. It was a really scary moment for me because I thought she'd say something negative.
Oh, you guys... FCG said some really depressing things today.
FCG: It's not Valentine's Day. It's Single Awareness Day.
Me: Don't worry, the only non-single person in this entire group is IG, and even she is just kind of non-single! All the rest of us are lonely and single together.
FCG: But I am going to be lonely and single forever... Who would want me?
I felt like such a useless loser because I couldn't bring myself to say, "I would!" in front of our friends, who had just finished insulting gay people about ten minutes prior to this taking place. Although I highly doubt I'd be able to say, "I would!" even if they hadn't been there.
Me: Nooo, there's definitely somebody who would want you.
FCG: No, there isn't. There hasn't been anyone yet, so what if there isn't ever anyone?
Me: You are not going to end up a cat lady!
FCG: Yeah, cats hate me too. I'll just be alone.
Me: Aww, FCG, no...
FCG, there is someone who wants you! :( She's crazy about you! She thinks you're beautiful and hilarious and unique, and it just breaks her heart when you vent to her about how you think no one will ever love you. You just don't know about it because she's just, uh, kind of a... well, a cowardly loser, really...
Damn, I should've gotten FCG something. There's no way I'd have the guts to, though. I really am a cowardly loser; I contemplated hugging her after she said all that, but I was scared that our friends would say something. I even had another chance after school, but my mom was there, so I just smiled and waved at FCG instead. Wow, I am a failure. Seeing her upset always makes me feel like shit, but it was even worse today because she was ranting to me about how she thinks she's gonna die single and lonely.
After her rant, she tried to change the subject and said that one of her friends at another school knows some guy. She then went on to say the guy was "pretty" (like a girl!) and started basically describing him like a girl. Then, she called him hot. Really, FCG? Who wants to bet that this guy doesn't actually exist, and FCG really just means the friend herself?
Apparently she still feels lonely, but she also still wants to hide in the closet and angst over the fact that guys don't like her. Umm, FCG, everybody knows the real reason you're always single is not because no one likes you, because that's not true. It's because our town is very sorely lacking in gay/bi girls who aren't either mega-closeted (you) or cowardly losers (me)... I mean, really. It's no secret.
Anyway, speaking of Valentine's Day and stuff, Old Crush was talking about what her boyfriend got her during chemistry today. I knew she had a boyfriend, but it's so weird to think about because just a few years ago, I was massively obsessed with that girl. Haha. Dude, he gets like, a season pass to those amazing boobs. He is so lucky.
And speaking of chemistry, I made a 77 on my test. :( I'm doing so horribly in chemistry lately, even when I freaking study the stuff! I think it's because my idiot teacher deviates way, way, way away from the book and then insists on everything being done her way instead of the book's. There's a girl who sits to my left in chemistry, and she plays basketball. We always bomb our tests together. She's pretty nice.