Today in chemistry class, Old Crush and I had an... interesting conversation. This girl is completely and utterly incapable of making sense. I'd LOVE to be able to see inside her brain one day. Noooo idea what is going on in there!
Old Crush: NO ONE CAN DISTRACT ME! I have indestructible walls all around me, and I can't see or hear any of you!
Random Girl: ((throws pencil at Old Crush and hits her in the arm))
Old Crush: Owww :(
Me: So, indestructible walls, huh?
Old Crush: Yes. They're made out of... uhh... Hey, what's that stuff grandmas put on brownies?
Me: I'm sorry, what?
Old Crush: You know, that hard stuff grandmas put on brownies!
Me: Uhh...? I'm afraid I don't follow.
Basketball Player: Saran Wrap!
Old Crush: YES!
Hahaha, how was I supposed to get Saran Wrap from "hard stuff grandmas put on brownies"? I thought she meant some kind of weird toppings or something, and I was going to tell her that no grandma I've ever met puts "hard stuff" on brownies. And how is Basketball Player always able to read her mind and translate it into words and phrases that I can actually understand?
Me: Saran Wrap is indestructible?
Old Crush: Sure it is! Haven't you ever tried tearing it open?
Me: I'll take your word for it.
Random Guy: Sssh, I'm trying to read my Nook!
Me: Well, then, don't listen to us.
Old Crush: Do you have like, porn and stuff on it?
Random Guy: Uhh, no...
Old Crush: If I was a guy, I'd carry porn EVERYWHERE!
Random Guy: Well, uh, I don't.
Old Crush: But WHY?
Me: That thing would be pretty perfect for hiding porn on...
Old Crush: Exactly! See, she gets it!
Random Guy: Because I just don't want porn!
Old Crush: Wow...
Old Crush then proceeded to tell us all about the time she made FCG write her term paper and about the time she forgot which way was left and also about the time she decided she liked feeding wild ducks. (Heheh, ducks! What about Super Ducks?) I honestly think she might be just a liiiittle weirder than FCG.
Wow, back when I liked her, that conversation would have never taken place. I used to be TERRIFIED of the idea of speaking to Old Crush since she's soooo hot, but because I was like, 12 or 13, I made all these stupid little plans to get her to fall madly in love with me. Hahaha! None of them ever actually worked, as you can see, but that was mostly because I was too scared to even do them! Oh, you guys, I was sooo embarrassingly stupid. I kind of wish you could've known me back then because me explaining it just isn't doing it justice! I'd love to see Younger Me's reaction if I somehow gained the ability to go back in time and say, "HEY GUESS WHAT? You do finally talk to Old Crush... when you're 16 and have been over her for like 3 years! And then, you also develop a thing for her cousin. Oh yes."
Anyway, so, FCG today: She's trying to lose weight again. Ugh, silly freakazoid, your body is perfect, and you are so beautiful! She also went off into a long, drawn out speech about how much she LOVES food, though. Said it was her "one true love." Hahaha! Dude... I need to learn how to fucking cook!
IG: FCG, your eyes are super blue today, and you're having a good hair day. You look hot.
FCG: Haha, no...
Me: Yes, you do! Your hair is amazing today.
FCG: Aww, thank you!
Me: ((reaches out and starts stroking a piece of FCG's hair)) I'm sorry, I just have to touch it.
FCG: Don't apologize! :)
I felt strangely confident after I did that. Maybe I should touch her hair more often. Hahaha. But I am so sick of this closet business. NO MORE NARNIA, EVER! UGHHH! It used to be funny before I liked her, but now it's just frustrating. If she is not a closet lesbian, then she is a closet bisexual. She loves women. (Dude, today she said that if she ever gets a husband, she'll basically make him act like a woman and do "women's work" and stuff.) End of story. I have known since maybe a week after I met her that there is just no way she's 100% straight, and I am really, really, really freakin' ready for her to finally say it so I won't be as scared to say what I've gotta say. This is one of those things you can just tell about her when you see the way she interacts with people. The other thing that's super easy to tell is that she is very lonely, but that's a different story.
Anyway I am going to go to sleep now and desperately hope I don't dream about my rivals as a 90s pop group.