A pretty impressive trip actually. Go me and planning skills. :D

I'm visiting a childhood friend, guy-I-like, and another good friend, and then coming back. It's gonna be super awesome and there will be lots of dancing and cupcakes and discussions about zombie takeovers and other pretty sweet things.

And I'm gonna take my film camera because my Pentax takes the best photos ever. I'm in love with the thing. ♥ I COULD take my DSLR but it's not as durable and it's more fiddly. I don't want fiddly and automatic settings. I want my $10 film camera that takes watch batteries that costed more than it did.

Oh, and I think Red is done being awkward now, I mentioned that I was gonna be gone for 12ish days and that I'd be visiting guy-I-like somewhere along the line and Red was like "I hope that's not awkward" and I told him "I'm pretty confident it won't be, he's super-chill, and I'm chill... So it'll be fine... Or at least it'll be fine as long as he doesn't show off his muscles to me." and then we made jokes about it and I mentioned how I'm kinda worried about guy-I-like (because I worry about everyone all of the time. |D; It's what I do best.) and there was no awkward jealousy or anything. So yay. =D

Though, I am a little worried that I'll do something awkward when I visit because I'm really good at doing that apparently, but I'm gonna try not to worry about it because I worry about these things way too much... And worrying about makes it more likely to happen. Haha.

It's weird, boy-I-like keeps like, expressing to me how important I am to him in ways, and then I feel really good because he's really important to me and it's pretty rare for me to feel this secure just caring about someone... But then the little idiot in me goes "maybe he does like you back!" and then I have to stomp on my little idiot... But every so often he'll squeak up again and I have all of this little-idiot goo under my heel and it smells.

I'm also really insecure and I worry that he's not interested because I'm grey-asexual (which is such a mouthful.) or because we're too similar... Like besides the fact that he's fairly sexual and I'm fairly.. Not. We are ridiculously similar. We have the similar social anxieties and insecurities, we like the same TV shows, for the most part, we have similar taste in music, we both love whimsical stuff and acting like kids and I think that's part of why I like him so damn much, because we understand each other so well. But I mean, he could think that's boring, relationship wise.

But this is must me doing that thing where I want to find a logical reason for something so I can "solve" it, but I can't make him want me so eh. I need to just leave it. (lookit that. I'm giving myself advice now.)

And I mean, worst comes to worst, I can mope at the other friends I'm visiting later if I start getting all moody about this whole unrequited feelings business, but I've been pretty good-sport about it recently (for the most part... Relatively speaking.) so I hope I can just keep that attitude.

And I mean, I wish I didn't care you know? I wish it didn't bother me. I like how things are now just fine, I like how secure he makes me feel, and comfortable... That alone is incredible, and I really want to be happy with just that, and I am for the most part but... There's still the part of me that wants to cuddle and caress his hair and do stupidly romantic things for him and I don't like not having that. X_X