My life is so full of awkward right now... Actually, even here is awkward, not because of you guys, but because guy-I-like knows about this site. I don't know if you're reading this, but hi guy-I-like! Sorry for leaving all kinds of ventyness here where you can see it like the insanely awkward person I am. I told you I don't know how to deal with this sort of thing... In fact, I just flat out don't deal with it, quite clearly. (And it looks like I'm continuing to do so. >_> )

Ok guy-I-like you can stop reading now. :P

So anyway, awkwardness... I really want to be able to talk to Red about this stuff again. It's making me nuts. :[ I mean, I can talk to him about everything else, but as soon as I mention guy-I-like (that's his name now apparently.) it's like I'm suddenly in AWKWARD ZONE. It doesn't help that Red doesn't realize when he's being insensitive, which isn't is fault, but it makes the awkwardness x10.

In other news, what the fuck are you supposed to say when the guy you like is turned down by the guy he likes? I mean, before being my crush he's my friend so I feel like I should say something... But I can't exactly say something that relates my situation to his because that'd be really super awkward. I mean, you don't say to someone who knows you like him "yeah, I'm going through that same sort of thing" when he gets turned down. I may be socially inept but even I can figure that out.

I do feel bad though, he seems to really like this guy and my circle of friends has enough of unrequited emotions as it is right now. |D

Oh, you know what else is awkward? Explaining to your boy-crush-who-doesn't-return-your-feelings why you said you'd take cookies over makeouts (Ahaha, interesting conversation I know.) because you don't want him to think you're more attracted to cookies than you are to him. But it was a funny awkward so it was okay. XD

But after thinking about it, I actually don't know if I would take cookies over makeouts. I would take kisses over cookies but makeouts? (Yes, makeouts is a word. Shut up.) I guess it depends. I have a bit of an aversion to the whole making out business because the only person I ever really made out with was a terrible kisser. She also saw me as a girl at the time and touched me that way, which made me feel like shit... xP

I guess for me, I know cookies are awesome and make me happy. Makeouts could go either way. :P At best I could really enjoy it, at absolute worst it could be triggering... But I'm pretty sure what would actually happen is that I would like it but it would also make me anxious. Probably not panic attack anxious, just really uncomfortable. :I

I think if I ever actually do manage to be not single, I'm going to have to take things really really slowly... Not like anyone is willing to put up with that, but I'm already resigned to being single forever so it doesn't matter. :P

TL;DR, I'm extremely awkward. I have an awkward friend. And awkward discussions... I also like cookies a lot.

Oh, by the way, I'm feeling way better now than I was. :D Read this journal in a content/thoughtful tone, not an upset one. I mean, I'm kind of annoyed at Red but I'm not like... Wicked upset or anything.