So I've read one page of Recent Posts. Out of ten that I need to. Which will be even more by tomorrow. Will I ever be able to go on vacation again? Heck, I'll do it, even if it does mean that I'll take a week catching up.

School starts again tomorrow. Yay? I think I'm ready... And I'll see my one remaining flesh-and-blood friend, who actually knew and, even more amazingly, liked my bird (he wasn't a very popular bird).

His death hasn't quite become real to me yet. I mean, every little piece of it is real. I know it, mentally. I can say, 'He's dead. Dunno is dead.' I can see his cage, empty. I can, if I choose, hold his body in my hands. I see that it's dead. It's limp, and the eyes and toes have dried out. But it's just a body. I've handled dead birds before - a dozen of them, more. This is just another tiny, feathered corpse. A corpse that looks just like my absent pet. Pet seems like the wrong word. Friend? Familiar? This corpse is not my friend.

He's not here, and I almost don't miss him. It's terrible, I know. It's because I haven't grasped the reality that he'll never climb onto my shoulder and nuzzle his head against my ear again. It's like he's just... somewhere else. Like he's at my dad's house now, and I'm here at my mom's. Like he was here last night when I was there. Not screaming at me to wake up, not screaming at me to hold him, to rub his head, constant attention. Even now, with him so newly gone, I won't claim that he was perfect. He was really a pest. I can see why nobody but my dad and I and Regi liked him. But I loved him anyway. He was a dear little pest, infinitely loving, infinitely loyal.

Sometimes I do understand, just for a moment. A little flash of reality, a little blip of loss, a little stab of real grief. But never more than a moment, no matter how I try to hold on.

...

The old me won't seem to go away completely. Maybe she and the new me have too much in common.

...

It's late, at least by my standards. I need to sleep. Never mind whatever else may be going on in my mind, or on back pages of recent (though not so very recent anymore) posts. Never mind...