i just don't know. do i undervalue myself? am i really worthy of a complement? sure i try to be nice, i try to be humble. but those who do good are never positivley rewarded, yes? maybe i'm going about it all wrong? there are so many questions.
i thought about running away, but i don't know where i would go. i don't have a friend in the world close to me. i could always go to the field, but i'm too scared. i know there is purpose for me, but like the bird in the cage, i dream of flying away high into the sky, to a different place and start fresh. i want to go away and reflect on my life, my mistakes, my good fortune, my wants, my needs.
i want to cry now, it's weird, i haven't cried in a long time. i have to force myself to. but now it's coming to easy to me now. my life is a little unorganized, if only i could go back. i want to go back to when everything was fine. my grandparents were of good health, my parents were spending time together. i let everything pass me by. "don't know what you got, 'til it's gone" to quote the song by Wille Nelson.
if any of you want to say anything to me you can. you can say "hahaha your God has forsaken you" or "go make friends you introvert" or "you are the dirt so unworthy as for me to step upon" i can take it.

Mawlay Allahu Akbar. (my Lord God is great)
you can say whatever you want to me, say whatever it is you hate about me. say whatever you want.