It is suddenly 2011. I am not happy about this. Like... at all. I don't know what I'm going to do about the whole FCG thing. I only have until May, and then she leaves. I don't want it to be like what happened with the last girl I liked. She moved away, and then, to everyone else, it was like she had never existed, but to me, it just hurt a lot. I'm sorry if that makes no sense, but yeah, it sucked a lot. I barely heard from her and became scared to talk to her because she barely answered my messages and stuff, even though we had been really good friends at school. I talked to her a few months ago. I don't know why I still have her number saved in my phone.

That girl left at the end of 8th grade. I had a lot going on then. Literally 90% of my friends moved that year, leaving me mostly alone. That was also around the time when my parents divorced, but my dad hadn't moved out yet, so home life sucked. I know it doesn't sound that bad, but I felt really bad during that time. I really did. I don't ever want to feel anywhere close to that again...

I'm pretty freakin' miserable right now. I had to go stay with my dad and grandparents. Ughhh. My mom left for Louisiana and doesn't want me to stay alone at night due to those break-ins. I honestly don't see the difference between me staying alone and me staying with her; there's not really anything she could do that I couldn't in the event of a break-in. But whatever, I guess... Wow, I hate 2011 already.

Hahaha, wow, it's Avril Lavigne. Sorry, we're watching this countdown thing, and she's singing as I'm typing this. She was my first crush when I was like, 8! (Hey, give me a break! I was 8!) Ke$ha was singing somewhere earlier. I secretly love Ke$ha's music, I'm not gonna lie. My cousin does too, and he's like, this muscly 17-year-old guy. HAHAHA!

I need some New Years resolutions. I need to exercise more, yes, and I need to somehow get the freakazoid. The first will be easy! The second... uhhhh. Well, that one's going to be a challenge, and the time constraint only makes it that much worse! I have 4 months to do this shit. I'm so scared. How do I even start? What am I supposed to do? I've never had anything even remotely close to a girlfriend-type-thing before.

Every year since I was 13, I've resolved to be less shy. I think I've naturally grown out of most of it. I'm wayyyy less shy than I used to be; I've made lots of new friends and acquaintances this year, and I've even talked to a super hot cheerleader a few times without freaking out. I'm still painfully shy when it comes to girls I like, though. Like, I obviously talk to them and stuff, but the mere thought of, say, asking FCG for her number or something makes me want to cry and hide under my bed. Although I guess I REALLY need to do that since she's gonna leave...