So, I'm not saying that relatively low testosterone + high estrogen levels make everyone into whiny moody crazy constant PMS bombs. But that's definitely what's going on with me right now. I think it's more the change than it is the actual levels though, I'm really sensitive to chemical changes in my body.

So, I was gonna watch Torchwood but now I think it should probably wait until my hormones are back in check and every little thing doesn't make me break down into a puddle of tears and helplessness anymore. Ahaha.

I mean, I made the mistake of listening to -one- sad song and now I'm like "fucckkk" because I still feel like crying like, ten minutes later.

Also, anyone who puts up with this kind of PMS on a regular basis.. I don't know how the hell you do it. This would (and did) make me so so so nuts. (And on top of that I had terrible awful cramps. D: ) Just. Damn. I will never accuse someone of exaggerating the terribleness of PMS.

I mean, there are mood swings, and then there's how I've been for the past few days or so. It's just like literally every five minutes, up and down and up and down. I'm getting motion sickness or something, it's ridiculous.

I should be mounting pictures right now but I don't think I want to take that huge thing with me on the bus tomorrow so my portfolio will be one awesome piece short. Oh well.

Oh also, I got my high school transcripts back recently, my unweighted GPA is like a 3.5, which surprised me, pleasantly. I feel like I did a lot worse than that but apparently not. XD

It's also funny because it looks like I skipped Sophomore year, but I actually skipped Freshman year. I also have all of these classes Junior year that I don't have grades for because I dropped them to be homeschooled.

But whatever, I checked and academically, my numbers are higher than average for the schools I want to get into (which are all art schools so, it makes sense). I just need letters of recommendation (the hard part) and to not bomb the essays and I should be all set. :]

Once I'm done with all of those goddamn applications I'm going to start doing a lot more work towards getting surgery money. Maybe I'll be able to motivate myself better now. Hopefully.

I'm actually considering getting therapy for my massive amounts of insecurity... But I'm going to wait until all of this moodiness goes away first, see if I still want it. I know I have some amount of abandonment/trust issues... But at the same time, these cons I've been going to have been doing way more for me than I think a therapist could. Maybe I just need to spend more time in that kind of environment.

It's weird, because I feel more comfortable around the people at cons than I do around most of my friends, even the really close ones. I think it's the openness and the lack of judgement.

My friends (whom I am now dubbing "Red" and "Yellow". Hopefully I'll stick with these nicknames because colors and whatnot. I've spoken about them before but... I can't remember what I called them... ) are both kind of... I love them but I need my con space and my them space to be separate.

Okay, now I'm going into a down mood swing again, and I've gone on for really long so I'm gonna shut up now.

Ahahaha. I feel almost like there's a little timer that goes off. "Oop. Now it's time to feel useless again. Tick tick tick. Oop. It's cool now. Tick tick tick."

I'm supposed to get my prescription in tomorrow. If it doesn't come that'll be terrible. It's already gonna take me a while to adjust to HRT again. Ahaha. And plus I'm terrified of that red stuff that might leak outta places if things don't get back on track soon. Talk about dysphoria central. I'm cool with my downstairs parts as long as they don't leak strange red fluids. Okay? Okay.

Later guys. XD;