So my friend Red (have I mentioned him before? I think so.) Is relieved because I am in a position where I have strong feelings for someone who doesn't return them. 0_0

I'm just like... I don't even know. I was making jokes about how I spend more time giving boys I like advice about boys they like than I do actually being in relationships with them (It's very true. I'm not even upset by this fact, I just think it's funny.) and that I'm too much of an idiot to get over boy-I-like (more on that later) and then he says something like "Well at least I'm not as jealous now."

And it's like "Well. Um. Great. So you're relieved that I don't have a chance with a boy I reallyreally like. That's wonderful. Thanks."

I feel like this aspect of my life would be considerably easier if I could talk to Red about it like I normally do, because generally, I can talk to him about nearly anything, and now... I can't. It's awkward and kind of frustrating, and this has never happened before. I mean, I've liked people before and told him about it and things were fine. In fact, after I told Red about liking boy-I-like the first thing he does (and second, and third) is encourage me to try to win over mohawk-girl that I had a crush on over the summer. "Have you gone on a second date yet? Why not? You should ask her out again. Blahblahblah"

It's really.. Awkward.

So yeah...

Also, I'm kind of wishing boy-I-like hadn't told me that he used to have feelings for me because it's done a job of making me kinda super frustrated at my past-self (though I'm mostly past that now.) and it's given me a lot of hopeless-fantasy fuel, which, um, is bad. The more hopeless-fantasy fuel I have, the less likely I am to get over someone. I may have a cynical outer shell, but underneath that I'm overly optimistic and squishy... Kind of like what would happen if you made a suit of armor for an octopus. That's me. I am an octopus in a suit of armor.

I don't even want to get over him really because I'm kind of okay with the way things are. |D It's stupid but it's how I am. He makes me happy, seeing him happy makes me happy. And I'm not really ready to give up on him because he makes me feel secure... Most people can't do that.

Plus, the whole unrequited-feelings thing is only upsetting sometimes. And I figure a long-distance thing would be just as upsetting if not moreso (albiet for different reasons). So it kind of doesn't make a difference. :P