Hey all, sorry I haven't posted in a couple of days. Well school started again, haha don't know whether or not to cheer or cry. Cheer because I get to see my friends more, and cry because well it's school haha. But if you read my last post I had a problem with my whole schedule and it took two days, some stress, and hardwork, but I was able to find the only College History Class Open during the time I needed it haha. Which I'm glad about, but with all that pent up stress I keep breaking out, oh the love of being a teenager. (I promise as the story progresses it gets better haha)
Because I'm a sensitive guy, I kind of have had a very low self-esteem lately, and me breaking out everyday doesn't really help that. Today while in the school bathroom I couldn't stand looking in the bathroom mirror. I just hated myself. It didn't help when I got home and my friend whose a girl asked me how would I respond if she asked me out or said she liked me. Now I know this girl likes me and she's drop-dead gorgeous, and sweet, but I just oddly don't like her like that (Maybe it's because I don't know if I really bat for her team). She's a great friend but she also tries to impose herself on me too much and I'm sometimes a bit of a pushover. I ended up responding saying I'd say I like you as a friend. And then I told her I was busy with life and too busy to have a relationship, which is kinda true, but she didn't help by telling me she felt sad now or that I was putting her hopes up. It made me feel bad because I already know she suffers from bad depression and me turning her down doesn't really help. I kind of feel like a jerk even though I told her she was amazing and that I'd date her if I weren't busy (a lie). And it doesn't help this other girl I know likes me too, and I'm falling for a guy, and I'm still in the closet. I just really don't know why so many people have to like me. (Wow conceited much?) I just wish I could go on a nice lunch with this guy I've known who likes me and get to know him and see if I like him.
Anyways, after talking to that one girl and eating dinner (today my family was all in a bad mood, certainly not helping) I talked to my best friend for 4 hours on the phone, and listened to Beautiful by Christina Aguilera (I know cliche hah) But it made me feel better, although I still feel fucking ugly, but what do you think of this whole situation did I handle it well? Should I feel bad?
BTW: Here's a funny/Horrifying story for all, I spent 40 minutes at my College trying to find stupid parking (Parking is horrible at the College) and I ended up parking in a far lot and running to my class in the rain. If you're like me you'd take humor in the fact that it took 40 Damned minutes to find a stupid parking spot.