one of my crushes was in the room today, i wanted to talk. he came over to me and asked me a few pety things and left. although i hardly said anything, and gave him no reason to stay. i took a glance at him awhile later, he saw me and i turned away embarrassed. i can't remember if he said he ever had a boyfriend. i know i'm not ready for the responsibilities of love. i don't even know why i have a yearning to be more than a friend with someone. it's times like these when i wish i was asexual.
i want to go back to December of 2010. when i was in control of things and i wasen't so uncertain of the future. the reason why i said December, is because of christmas. my dad came over to spend time with my mother and me, and he also spent new years eve with us. i feel like i'm supposed to cry, but no tears flow. i feel cheated. why couldn't i have a biological mother and father who were married and loved each other? we had such a good time back then, it was the first time i felt like i had a family.
i have the "i just want to go to sleep and never wake up" thing. i just want to dream forever and ever in peace. i want to go where all the good things are, where i would be happy.