I hate when I slowly develop feelings for someone and then I let it happen because I'm bored and then I don't know what to do about it because I'm not in a situation where doing something about it would be a good idea and I'm not sure I understand my feelings in the first place.
I wish I were both asexual and aromantic, it'd make my life easier. Romance is frivolous and I don't understand it and I don't really want to and I don't like it. If romance is what everyone makes it out to be, I don't like it.
I don't understand why romances can't be like friendships but with more cuddling and sipping tea and reading Shel Silverstein to each other. That's what I want. I don't want emotional attachment to someone I hardly know and I don't want sex and I don't want jealousy, pressure, clinging, insecurity, or dishonesty. I want natural progression. I want tea and bedtime stories and deep conversations under the stars. I want someone that makes me feel safe, not vulnerable. I want stupid improv songs and dancing together.
And the best part is, I feel like this person is perfect for me but I don't know how to tell if that's just my infatuation talking.
But I guess it's all irrelevant anyway.
Sorry for the mindless banter. It's early and I'm prone to it. :I