So I'm a bit complicated in all these areas. I suppose we all are, right? Well, in recent days, I've finally been able to click in the final piece to this puzzle of my sexuality. But maybe I should start with the simple stuff, and move into that. That way, you can kinda understand where I'm coming from.
Let's start here, if you don't mind. I'm attracted to guys more easily. I can more easily say, "Oh, that guy's hot" than I can for girls. I am more LIKELY to say it about guys, too. I like guys for their faces, their arms, their chests, their smile. In fact, friends would say I'm boy crazy. Big time.
But for girls... I think the reason I'm more likely to point out a guy's attractive than a girl is just because I've been trained already that people don't think it's right for a girl to say another girl is attractive. But I think it. I love nice shapely legs, a cute butt, a soft face, whatever. There's so many different ways a girl can be pretty or appealing. I like girls plenty, too.
I'm more likely to DATE a guy. I'm more likely to ask him 'hey, wanna see a movie?' or whatever. Probably for the same reason I'm more likely to openly acknowledge that he's attractive. I've had short-term dating sort of relationships with tons of different boys. But I'm more likely to not be serious with him at all, either. Sometimes I'm more likely to not trust him at all.
But I'm more likely to form a serious relationship with a girl. I have before, and even once the relationship has moved away from being sexual, or if it doesn't turn that way at all, I'm more likely to have a deep bond or connection with a girl. Possibly just because I'm more likely to open up to a girl.
I love everyone. I can love anyone. Gender has never changed how strongly I love someone, or who I love. It's just never been seen as something that mattered to me. Not when it comes to love. And why should it?
I'm not likely to have sex with anyone unless I truly trust them. But I'm more likely to have a deep trust with girls, so I'm more likely to have sex with them.
To be honest, I didn't really realize this until recently. I used to think I was something like the reverse of a one of those girls who claims they're a lesbian or bi just because they kiss girls, but aren't willing to do anything else. That is to say, I thought I was someone who was claiming they're bi just because they're willing to kiss boys.
But a recent sexual encounter has me realizing that no, I do like guys. Like, REALLY like guys.
To explain in short what kind of has me really figuring out my finicky sexual nature towards guys, I'll say this.
I had a very close guy friend, who I care about very deeply, express interest in me. Well god knows I've loved this guy since who knows how long. So naturally, I was quick to return the interest. Well, one thing led to another, and that led to... well, you know.
But I was just passing through town, sadly.
Well, on top of that, we were on the road to Texas to visit family, and I had another friend, not as close, express the same sort of interest. I turned him down, though.
So, I went through all that, just to tell you that I'll have sex only with people I love and trust. People I'm familiar with. I think that's what's important to me, familiarity. Closeness. So it's not that weird, yeah?
And now, I can finally tell you all, that I am not a lesbian, after all.
I'm bisexual, and very happy.