Once Upon A Time
Once upon a time there was a little girl, let's call her Nina. She was a happy little girl. She went to a nice little school, she has two friends, let's name them Ellie and Emily. Emily was a tomboy. Nina liked Emily, so she became a tomboy too. All of a sudden she wasn't so nice anymore, and she became Nola.
Then, three years later Nola moved to a new school and met a girl named Lisa. Lisa wanted to impress the boys, since Nola liked Lisa, Nola started trying to impress the boys. That was when Nola turned into Nadya. Nadya worked so hard to get boys, she finally got one an she was happy.
Then Nadya had to move to another school. There, the other children laughed at the fact that Nadya wanted a boy. This school was about not growing up, this school's rules were survival of the strongest. Nadya became Nuru. Nuru was strong, she beat up the boys. Nuru heard her class compared to Lord of the Flies, and she was proud. Nuru had a friend, Carrie. Carrie was the leader at this new school. Nuru followed Carrie Nuru stayed at that new school for five years. She was happy there, and her old friend Ellie was there too. But after those five years, Nuru needed to move again.
This new school encourages independence. Nuru became Duna. Duna was a happy girl, but Carrie was at that school too and Duna wasn't sure if she was Nuru or Duna. Duna felt more comfortable, but Carrie wanted Nuru. Duna didn't like Nuru, Nuru was hurting Duna.
Now Duna isn't sure if she is Nina, Nola, Nadya, Nuru or Duna. None of them feel right and Nina-Nola-Nadya-Nuru-Duna isn't sure who she is. Carrie isn't helping. Nina-Nola-Nadya-Nuru-Duna likes Carrie, but Carrie only likes Nuru. Nina-Nola-Nadya-Nuru-Duna is very confused. Nina-Nola-Nadya-Nuru-Duna needs professional help, but Nina-Nola-Nadya-Nuru-Duna doesn't know how to ask. Nina-Nola-Nadya-Nuru-Duna isn't sure which is the real her, she doesn't know how to find out and she has become sad. She doesn't want to give up any of them, but she can't be all at once. Nina-Nola-Nadya-Nuru-Duna is insane. She wrote the story of her life here.
The End
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Comments
Only insane people
Only insane people accomplish anything great by any stretch of the imagination.
As for getting professional help, schools often have counslers hidden in some corner, and if you talk to one of them you don't have to tell your parents. Alternatively, next time you have an appointment with your physician, ask for a referal and (depending on your age/the state you live in) if you don't want your parents to know ask your doctor not to tell them and set up the appointment/get there yourself.
Or, you could just tell your parents that you need professional help and make them do the leg work. This could lead to some uncomfortable situations.
As for figuring out who you are, I'm no professional (although my mother is a physciatrist and I had to see a physcologist and you pick some stuff up.) YOU, in essance, don't change depending on where you are or who you're with, although you might change over time. If you can, look for what Nina-Nola-Nadya-Nuru-Duna have in common and start there.
Thank you. I am trying. ~
Thank you. I am trying.
~ "Be yourself, everyone else is already taken."
You'll never know I love you, but I hope you feel it all the same.