Disclaimer: This journal is 99% whiny narcissism. The remaining 1% is disclaimer.
There's a terribly cliche expression that explains my situation right now.
It's something about the distinction between wanting and needing something, and how you can get what you want and not what you need.
I am more social than I've ever been in my life. I'm surrounded by people who are intelligent and kind. But I feel more alone than I think I ever have.
The thoughts going through my head right now are just as pathetic and cliche as the above statement. And now, for some reason, unjustified self pity is turning into anger. Lets vent, shall we?
B: You are a fucking bitch for using me the way you did, and I'm a fucking idiot for letting you. I was stupid for wanting to be your friend. Now, you act like we are friends, which is weird, because I don't want to be your friend anymore. It doesn't get me anything. You just use me. You know, I don't think it matters that beauty is on the inside; you're hideous either way.
K: I still don't understand you, and I still don't know if you still even like me. I don't really know if you ever did. Unlike B, you are hard for me to read. So for once in your life, could you just be honest? Limbo sucks dick.
I'm not sure if I should be allowed to have an Oasis account. I'm not exactly building a sense of community here. Oh yes, one more:
D: Why can't you just tell people. You've known since you where 13. You need to get over it. Other people will too. Your roommate is no excuse. Also, stop obsessing over people who don't care about you. You are not physically or romantically attracted to women, so why do you act like it? I doubt B and K think about you near as much as you do them. So what's the deal? Thirdly, admit it to yourself already;you can't decide what to do with your life because you want to be in love more than anything else.
Reality is a bitch.