Sometimes, I truly wish I had been born female: girls have always had, to me, this sort of immaterial beauty and grace within them. I look at lace and jewels and beautiful clothing and I envy women. But I'm not one, physically or mentally. But I have, in the past, had gender "issues" where I simply wished I was genderless.

nothing is permitted. everything is allowed.

I feel like that almost all the time. I'm lucky enough to have very small breasts, though, so it's easy for me to hide in male clothing and take on a less female role. I need to cut my hair again, though - people are starting to look at me and assume I'm a girl, which I hate. I don't mind people knowing; I just don't want them to know from the moment they see me.

I wish I had a more androgynous voice. Even when people don't know about my body just from looking at me, they almost always know once I speak in my horrible girl voice. I wish I could either have an ambiguous voice or the ability to switch between male voice and female voice.

Oddly enough, I don't really mind the whole menstruation thing, at least not from a mark-of-womanhood point. Of course, it's still miserable because of all the mess and the aching and the general bleeding all, but I don't ever have that feeling of 'I'm not a girl, so this shouldn't be happening to me.' I remind myself that I do want these body parts - I want to bear a child someday with my own womb, and suckle it at my own teats, since I'll never be able to father one.

But yeah, I do wish I could just not be a girl, not be seen as a girl, not be expected to be a girl, et cetera. Because I'm not a girl. I'm not a boy, either, but I'm not a girl. I'm just whatever. A person, in a girl's body.