What I want to say to C:

"For the last couple of weeks I've been thinking a lot about you and our relationship. This last week I applied for film school and in doing so I had to write an outline and synopsis of of the film I'm most passionate about making. Being that it's the story of my coming out, I was doing research on my online gay journal so that I can stick as true to the real story as possible.

I read the whole thing, from before I came out to now. And it was great, reading about how much I liked you and the 5 months until we were together, our first kiss, our great relationship. I loved reading that part, because it was the best time in my life so far...until I started reading the parts where I became a jerk. The parts when I started ignoring you for how great you were. When I started noticing other girls. When we broke up and I didn't even give a second thought to it.

There's an entry where I was sick and you brought me soup and chocolate cake and sat with me until i got sleepy, tucked me in, and left. A few weeks after that you were sick and I said, 'Normally I'd take her a treat and visit with her for a while. Today I didn't.' That's it. I just, didn't. I didn't visit you when you were sick. And I think that kind of sums up how our relationship turned.

And I feel horrible about it. Sorry is such a vague word so I just wanted to come over and tell you that now, after over two years, I get it. I see how wonderful you were, how sweet you are, and I regret taking advantage of it like I did. I loved you, and I should've loved you more, or, you know, treated you like you deserved to be treated. I'm not saying we should've been together forever or that we should be together now, I'm just saying, I should've opened my eyes. You were still my best friend even after I broke up with you, and I ruined that, too.

I just wanted to tell you this."

I feel like there's more I want to say.