So many fears out there, right now I think I'm scared of a lot of things. What bothers me most is that don't know why I don't fully sleep at night or look over my shoulder. What in the unknown scares me so much? What is it about the stranger that unnerves me? I don't know really it just makes me tired. I can't stop doing this, generating things to be scared about... Or to worry about.
The smell of something burning is rolling around my house, sort of sweet and stinging. This is because earlier tonight I burned one of my drawings, I think I did it because it reminded me of the confusion I had last year. I want this year to be fresh, not that I want to forget last year but it was strange to me. I didn't know how much pain I was in 'till I got out of it. It was like being addicted to a drug, so stupid but I can never forget.. I have to remember so next time I know to remember its not a good thing. Or maybe it would be? The way things go I've learned that sometimes you just need to hit the bottom before you get to start up again, soon maybe I'll be able to surface before that point but theres more to learn yet. I want to study this isolated instance in my life when it happened. Why I felt the need to rely and trust someone who I didn't know. I broke but not in a heart sense, I just had no idea it could happen or anything. I feel good now though a bit stabler than I was, the more it broke the stronger you recover. Though if it happened tomorrow I wouldn't come back. It's weird, this year. Interesting but well see. I feel sort of dumb now, but just because my mind isn't really working furiously Why not?