I'm awake watching Dear John for the thousandth time. There is nothing even remotely lesbian about this movie, but I always think of you. Two weeks changes everything. Love and life and forever. I remember the first time I ever saw you. All jailbait and beautiful. I've never written a love letter with a happy ending. I feel like I only see the good in you, the beauty. I remember how time slowed down right before you kissed me for the first time. I remember the angle of your cheekbone and the curve of your lips and then, I swear the world exploded behind my eyelids and everything was different. I remember telling you that you scared me. The feeling I get in my chest, like the most important thing in this entire world is sitting next to me, hand on my shoulder, terrifies me. I'm afraid I'll let you down some day. That I am not and won't ever become everything you think you see in me. I want to be better than who I used to be. I think you might be too good of a person for me. We've been together for such a short time, yet we fit together so completely. My tiny bed feels vast and empty without your body pressed to mine. The empty pieces in me are less jagged and slowly filling. You're the best thing, that's ever been mine. My mom likes you. I can't help but smile. I know what she said the other day. I think if she's comfortable enough to be mean, then you're pretty much family. I can see us in my head. Making our own family. Two weeks. I feel like my time is borrowed. In two weeks you'll be back to school and I'll know my test results. Two weeks after that I'll be back at school. Two weeks changes everything. That's all it took for me to fall in love with you. What is time apart after two weeks like that. I'm scared. You know I am. But I don't want you to be scared. Promise me? If something happens to me, I want you to remember everything. Remember that first kiss and the first time we made love. Remember the night you said you wanted me to be your wife someday. That is my favorite moment thus far. I think I promised you a love letter with a happy ending. If nothing happens to me, well then, we've got everything figured out in basic terms. Pets and colors and love is all we'll ever need. I can see us in my head, the future unrolling. I wonder if the next two years will be as smooth as the last two months. I wonder how you'll look with laugh lines and crows feet. I wonder how I'll look with silver in my hair and wisdom in my eyes. I think your hand will always feel the same in mine. Twenty, forty, sixty years from now, I wonder if your kisses will still overwhelm me the same way they do now. I think so. I have always been in such a rush to get past these years. Hurry and grow, not up but out maybe. I'm technically already grown. Yet things seen with you by my side seem so new, my eyes see for the first time. I don't know how any ways to tell you I love you without words. You captivate me and mesmerize me and make me crazy all at the same time. I love you for all the little things you do and the crazy things you do for me. Like burry field mice after the cat drags them in. And burry my fish inthe park when I'm sobbing at 10 at night and we're not even dating. You're stunning inside and out. I have never loved something, someone as much as I love you.