My impression is that with the vast quantity of affection and warmth you have available... you could easily pick one of your choicest admirers and take a rest from the the routine of bar-hopping and throw-away orgasms.

You are a beautiful human being... with great potential. Your admittedly big ego testifies to this.

But don't you feel that some bit of your innate talent and beauty is being surrendered (possibly irretrievably) after each evening of searching for yet a more mind-blowing "lay" than any within recent memory?

Were I in your position (of course, I'm not), I would settle for the most charming of your awe-struck admirers (i.e., boy Adonises)... and enjoy all the manifestations of the lasting mutual affection you have for each other: a bit of wine and candlelight.

If it's not readily discernible... I truly wish you and your bf much happiness.

You say "I really like this boy." He's very likely the one.

Go for it♥

true longing... love... affection... a desire to embrace endlessly... a desire to be the one who can evoke from him a truly euphoric orgasm that will be accepted as an honest expression of your affection...?

You are known here on Oasis strictly through your words. We have not the slightest clue as to how physically handsome you are (except for that one pic dressed formally all in white --- flat-out on the floor in front of other standing celebrants).

About your "talents": excellent student, an accomplished debater, recognized as exceptional by your professors, gifted at expressing your feelings in great English (I'd presume, Mandarin? as well).

Your fault: you slough off all of these as being untrue when commented on by others. I truly do not understand the psychology behind this... but at your age, I shared many of these same paradoxical self-effacing characteristics.

I truly cannot criticize the fact that you appear to relish being a very choice object of desire. I have no doubt that you truly are (with justification)... even though you wish that you could be even more appealing (still not quite good enough...)

I fervently wish that you could be happy with who you are... innately. We can see that individual shining so very clearly from your many journals and comments... up to about one year ago.

If this is read as being uncomplimentary... you've grossly misread my intention. I'm convinced that whomever you eventually choose to be faithful to will be one of the luckiest boys alive♥

I like how honest you are Jeff. I'll try to answer most of those

- Yes, except it doesn't negate the fact that I'm still tall and need relatively bigger shirts... either way that's not so important...
- Good question. I feel like I have more fun when I'm drunk. Less about how I'm acting but simply more about how I'm experiencing things. A lot of it is really peer pressure as well. Not so much the morbid exaggerated kind, but it's just how my friends socialise when we socialise and we enjoy it so we do it. To dwelve a little deeper, I don't think I'm addicted or anything... more a preference thing. I don't crave it, or need to drink alone.
- I know it can be a turnoff, I used to hate it. Maybe to let me clarify my own thoughts better... I've gotten with people that don't mind or if they do mind they still sleep with me anyway. It's a disturbing sort of self-validation. Like I want people to hate it but still like me enough to get with me. Does that... kind of make sense? I have some weird psychology I know. And yeah... if they can already taste it it probably doesn't matter anymore...
- True. That guy didn't last very fucking long at all lol. Meh, first I won't want viagra and my theory is if we're both fucked enough it won't matter... is that really burying anything?
- Which leads me to your last point. I probably already know the answer with this guy, and in a bit of denial. We've had a one night stand before and talked occasionally. Such feelings started when he drunk texted me a week back. Our mutual friend says he's really nice but arrogant which sounds awfully much like me. So whether it's a yes or no or fuckbuddy it's hard to read because I'm obviously not sending many signals either, and scared of being let down. So I assume the default no until I'm sure or I'm in control. I've kind of moved on anyway. Cbf. I also feel I have some commitment or trust issues... I don't want to sound pretentious... but I just don't trust other people because I don't trust my own desires and dispositions either.

I haven't gone to a gay club in a while as well. I decided to stay away for a bit. Going this weekend though, see what happens. When I go there I get the impression it's always the same people. I'm unsure as to whether gay people are suppposed to hang with gay people all the time because I don't, and whether that makes me some kind of 'bad' gay. I love my friends but that former question lingers in my head... whether I'm supposed to know certain people, hang out with specific groups and behave in a certain way.

I come from an earlier time (that, I do regret) and have not the experience that could have generated such wisdom (most likely born from experience) as expressed by Jeff.

However, Max, I am personally gratified that you have expanded on who you are... and who you strive to be. I understand your reticence to be totally revealing. In this regard, we're all striving to create the image that we'd like others to retain of us.

For me (and, I'm confident for most other Oasisians)... you've achieved this goal admirably. Please... don't disabuse me of this image.

Creating an desirable image on a website is so inconsequential compared to other factors for my so-called 'reticence'. Either way, any image created is ostensible anyway. I have little appetite to entertain such an image, especially if such an image is perceived. Keith, you're misconscrewing the reasons I write and should write. I am me, independent of what I write and regardless of what you and others think. Yet the latter seeks to contain the former. I want to be free to write what I want and not for some bullshit image.