so anyway i was in this chatroom and i realize how out of touch i am with the world and my fellow man. my taste in music is awful, my appearence is of death, i know not how to make my emotions work in my favor. then i was in another chatroom having virtual sex with a 36 year old guy, not that it was creepy... but i didn't know what to type. i've never known love and as melancholy as it is i don't think i'll ever know love. love is a stranger as i am to it, it's all so complex. i know love as a hideous mask upon which various evils wear to take my heart and smash it like an egg against a brick wall. ahh, disappointment i know you all too well. holy shit i think someone got shot! sorry i just heard a gun shot and a car speed off. well anyway music is my only love... it always was. but i'm still not happy i don't know what's wrong with me. i should be happy but i always want more. i'm such a cynic with a black heart so cold as liquid nitrogen. oh well. i still don't know what went down with the gun shot situation.