Just had our first university debate.

We lost. We were affirming.

It was impromptu twenty minutes preparation, which was awesome. Eight minute speeches each. Except we had this new guy who thought he knew everything - simply because he's a fourth year law student - but all he did was ramble and didn't structure his argument at all. He screwed us over pretty much. We won the principle side of the debate, but not the practical side because he couldn't even outline a model.

There was this cute guy on the other team. He's not gay. Unless he's very much in the closet. I remember he was on the Auckland regional team. He specifically praised me for my speech afterwards. Yus.

I'm also pissed off with my study groups. Everyone's so stupid in my study groups. I'm coming up with all these ideas, and all they do is stare blankly, copy them down and leech them. Stupid stupid people. I hate them all. They don't deserve to live. No, I'm actually not angry because they're stupid. It's because they're selfish. And law is suffocatingly competitive.

Same with my tutorials. I get douches who state-the-obvious and one-word-answer all the time.

University is so different. I want a 'placing' at university. The stakes are higher and the competition is also harder. In high school I was able to get prefect and nail all these competitions. At university I've forfeited going for student rep when I shouldn't have - and I also didn't get debating rep either. It seems like I'm just a nobody - just like thousands of other students. I want to be different.

Don't get me wrong, I know a lot of people. I made a lot of new friends. But I want standing. I want a position. I want power. Maybe. I just want to be worth something.