eh, he's only 9...so i guess that's the best defense he has.

well, saturday night, when i got back from a performance, me n my little brother were in my room, goofing off, being weird, and tickling ourselves. then my sister came in and scared the heck out of us and left and we just hid under the covers, "afraid" :P when she left, we randomly started talking about what scared us and such.

he said i scared him, i was too weird, so weird that it creeped him out and made him afraid of me. well, eh, out of curiousity, i asked if he was afraid of 2 guys being bf and bf or if 2 girls were gf and gf. he said it seemed kind of weird, that it was more normal if a guy and a girl were together. haha, eh, that kinda bummed me out a bit. but then my curiousity got the best of me and kept asking him things..

Me: so...what if i had a gf instead of bf...?
Brother: why? that's sort of weird...
Me: well, i like girls...
Brother: ew...
Me: haha, sorry. hm, so, if i had a gf and if i reaaally liked her and we got married, maybe, what would you think? or do..?
Brother: i'd want to leave this family and go to a more normal family, one without a weirdo like you.
Me: [silent] ok...

i crawled into bed and layed there. then i started to randomly cry. i dont cry in front of anybody, not my family or friends, nobody. i dont like it when they know i've cried, even though i sort of do want them to know i have been and that i'm sad. but i have issues with that. but i couldnt control myself that night and it came back up the next day after church (lovely...). i also dont like it if others knew i cried...but for some odd reason im ok saying it to whomever reads this...:P

my sister was chasing around one of my cousins and he fell to the ground and started telling my sister to let him "attack" my little brother because he trespassed into their little club. well, then he started saying that my brother wasnt an "angel" like my mom would say he was (well, it's my mom, and moms tend to think their kids are "angels"). i agreed to what my cousin was saying and said that my brother had made me cry the night before. my brother looked at me and pointed and started laughing and taunting me and said "ha haaa, andrea cried" well, i got pretty mad at him and was about to go over and smack him on the armbut my sister got in the way and pushed me back and told me to leave him alone, that he wasnt doing anything. well, haha, i wanted to smack her too, but she ran off (so did my brother), back to playing what they were playing.

well, i wont make that mistake again. i know i have to hide when i must (and when i can) when i have to cry or when im reaally stressed out and upset. i dont want people to see me sad or mad or anything. so far, they havent. i got curious and asked som of my friends and all they've ever seen me was either happy or just neutral, never sad or mad. that's ok, i dont want them to worry about me, haha, they have a lot more to worry about than me. eh, i sound pathetic, i know that, but i dont want to be a selfish person that always thinks about themselves and doesnt care about others. haha, it;s kind of already too late for that...im already selfish, but eh, i dont want to be more selfish than i already am. but im supproting my selfishness by saying what i want on here...so...um...i dunno, im confused -_- and tired. i think i'll just go to sleep...toodles