I generally define myself as gay, and I have for a while. It's a little too convenient though.
It's that I'm never attracted to girls BECAUSE they're girls.
There is a girl at school, the only one I ever asked out, a few years ago. Her name is Hannah. She was my first of three girlfriends. I can definitely see why I asked her out. She is just so amazing in her own little way, and would probably be one of the most popular girls, if anyone cared to notice her, or she cared to give herself special attention.
Well, I asked her out, and we dated, and it didn't end out well. She hated me more than she's ever hated anyone before for a long time. I was a horrible boyfriend to her.
It took me 2 years to make it up to her.
Now we're best friends again. That's just what we were before the relationship, with 2 years of hate, mostly on her side, in between.
And I feel horrible for what I did.
But, the problem is, I really do like her, and I don't know if that's friend love or something else.
No WAY I'll ask her out again. Out of the question.
Would I ever work out with a girl? I don't think I would at that.
There are several reasons:
I obviously don't know how to be with a girl. I just can't.
I don't identify with girls as well as I do with guys.
I'm not sexually attracted to girls at all. AT ALL. This might not matter so much now, but later, imagine I'm repulsed at the appearance of my wife because that's how my circuits are set. Imagining a guy while having sex with my wife? No way I'm sinking that low.
Also, Hannah has to be the only girl, that I can say I've ever really had any attraction of any kind to. There are bountiful others towards boys.
So, it would be very convenient to just say I'm gay.
Nope. No girls for me.
But I don't dislike girls just for the fact that they're girls. I just, in general, am not attracted to female persons.
I just can't imagine actually being in a meaningful relationship with a girl. But, I read somewhere "God punishes us for what we can't imagine"
So, it's unlikely, but I need to keep my horizons open.
The solution? I can't explain this to everyone I know. I don't have enough time.
So just say I'm gay. It's pretty well completely true anyway. And a lot more convenient. And, if I end up with a woman, unlikely, but a possibility, then I can explain that then.
I also wanted to ask, what is your favorite philosopher?
I like Socrates.
At a dinner, he proved to the man next to him that he was prettier than that man (even though Socrates was ugly). He said "my nostrils flare outward, therefore being more ready to take in scents, and my eyes are more prominent and able to see unobstructed".
Socrates was being tried for spreading treasonous ideas. At the trial, he could have saved his life by swallowing his pride and apologizing, even though he really didn't do anything.
Instead, he not only refused to apologize, but he said that the people of Athens should give him a medal to thank him for spreading knowledge. They sent him to death.
He was being killed by being forced to drink poisonous hemlock. A lot of his students showed up, and were sad that he was dying, and begged him not to drink it. He told them to stop saying nonsense. He also said that he didn't hold it against Athens. Then he drank the poison and killed himself.
And, most importantly of all, Socrates didn't want his ideas written down. That is a true philosopher. A true philosopher knows that there is no answer, people should come up with their own ideas, and that to write down his ideas would be very self-righteous.
His students wrote them down anyway.
I'm sorry, Socrates. You were dust in a tomb millenia before I was born, but I still miss you, and wish I could have gotten to know you.