I have far too many friends who take away their troubles with drugs.
Morphine, Weed, Cocaine, Melange; it's all the same at the base. An escape.
Well guess what, my pretties. You can't escape. There's going to be a point where the real world crashes around you- whether you get crushed or not depends on your alternate reality.
Let's be brutal: the most pathetic thing you can do to escape is takes drugs. Escape in itself is cowardly! We, as humans, must find a point where we FACE the pain as opposed to flee from it.
I've made a discovery about myself- I can't remember if I've made it before, but it's hit me hard this time. I've lived my life in a constant state of self-pity. Self-loathing, blah blah blah, it's all about the fact that I was miserable and was too lazy to fix it. So instead, I settled for hating myself. I was playing the part of a martyr, and looking back, I'm disgusted by my own actions. I refused help, only to bemoan my pain and how lonely I was. I was, in fact, surrounded by people who wanted to help me!
With this in mind, I'm looking around at all these people who can help me. May I say, it's exhilirating! (Note to Jeff- get a damned spell-check on this site.) I'd like to thank those of you who've stood by me- please, don't let me fall from this spot to where I was. Not again.
Back to drugs. I have a dear friend who solves pain- physical and emotional- with morphine and other drugs. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Physical pain, good, fine, right. It's perscribed. But emotional pain?
There comes a point where I have found a light. The world is not to be dulled. Life must be experienced to its fullest potential- dulling the pain will inevitably dull the pleasure. And, perhaps, to those of us who lived behid the walls there is to be a certain pleasure to the very sharpness of that pain. The heights of pleasure to the depths of torment, the world mus be felt. We cannot live in the shallows, that is not living!
And life in the shadows, I believe, often stems from self-pity.
Tear down the wall!