I stepped up to the block. Ricky and Blake came over and wished me luck. They said they'd WOOSH me.
I got up on the block. I was paying no attention to anything but the referee.
He blows the whistle. "Take your mark. GO"
A great WOOSH from Ricky and Blake comes from behind me.
I have this. This is MY race.
But something isn't right. It just doesn't feel right. Back in OV, I feel I can sprint my heart out.
But here, I just don't feel right. Something about the atmosphere, the water, me, is just WRONG.
I come in, and look at the clock.
27.42
WTF!!!!!

My thoughts at the point. Why did I drop 1.5 seconds on my 50 back, and add .12 seconds on my 50 free? I dropped on everything. Everything was going perfectly! I have spent the whole FUCKING 3 months since I got that 27.30 working 2 hours a day my very hardest.
Working through a stitch, waiting for the pain to go away while still trying to beat the clock, finding time between the clocks to massage away my cramps, going to the bathroom to throw up as fast as I can so I can get back into the pool and swim more, doing dryland exercises late into the night.
And all I do is add time.

Then I stopped. This is useless. Getting angry and almost crying is pointless. I took a few deep breaths. You still have one meet to make sectionals. The productive thing to do is look at your swim, and find what might have been working against you.
1. I may have been a little sick
2. I was swimming on an outside lane, so the water I move bounces back on my side, slowing me down.
3. This event was at the end of the meet, and I had already swam a few miles in that day.
4. I was not eating correctly.

All this and many more, but I think what really got me was I choked. I should have worried more about just motivation. I was thinking about my stroke, and therefore not trying as hard as I could. I was demotivated.
I should do the strokes correctly in practice, therefore making it natural enough so I don't HAVE to think about it in meets.

Even if I don't make sectionals, it's nothing to go emo over.
I found out that the reason that my self esteem has shrunk so low recently is that I have been going to invitational meets, meets that you need times for. That's the very best of the best gathered in one place.
This was not an invitational meet. I was in heat 6 of 7 in the 50 free, racing against 17 and 16 year olds.

ANYWAY...

I also found out this weekend that girls outnumber boys in swimming almost 2 to 1. Sad...

And I bet none of you even cared about this, but I felt a need to write it.